Drive
by xxxevilgrinxxx
Summary: The life of Taylor Reese hasn't changed much. He's in the same place that he was before Montana and it doesn't look like anything might ever change, until he's presented with a job that takes him back across the country where he gets to make a choice.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings:** Violence, gunplay, death, and harsh language.

**Pairing: **Taylor Reese / OFC / OMC

**Archive: **VX, FDB,FF

**Disclaimer: **I own neither Taylor Reese nor KAG. All other characters, the plot, the locations, are mine. Any resemblance to those living or dead is purely coincidental. No money made, no harm intended.

**Summary: **Many years after the events of KAG. A lot more violence and a few more deaths have darkened Taylor's life considerably. He takes a job because it's what he does. It doesn't end up as planned.

**A/N: **Most of this has been in play for well over a year now (I started this before "Last Chance Cafe" called on me.) In getting it ready for print, I realized that there were similar themes to the newly released Babylon AD movie, but only in that it involves moving a woman from one place to another, and how things change. Serendipity is an interesting thing. So it's not quite a disclaimer, but I understand that there are possible similarities, and I'm acknowledging them. Secondly, there will be many misspellings and occasions of poor grammar in this piece; it's quite deliberate, as it's Taylor's "voice" that's relating the story. Please don't flay me too badly!

**For NJRD…

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**Ch 1.**

It's always easiest to get rid of a body first thing in the morning.

Late at night works too. Not only for cover, it's not like there's no one around at that time of the night. So it's not just privacy.

It's the smell.

Something about the cold ground. The wind. Something. Where the hell I picked that up, I have no idea. Just something that sunk deep early on.

Like shooting first and asking questions later. Like how I know that there's no fucking way to wash the blood out of shit so don't even bother. Just burn it and move on. Just like that, I knew that it would be easier to plant this fuck first thing in the morning.

The ground's hard. The back end of October. If I'd waited any longer, I'd've had to put him in a freezer somewhere and taken another shot at it in the spring. Just like some kind of fucking gardener, I guess.

The ground on top is already growing cold again. Steam rising off it. It's always warmer underneath. Dark dirt going grey again as whatever shit keeps it wet dries out. Got to wait for it to dry out a bit more and then I can cover it up with shit again, make it hard to find.

Not that anyone's looking for this fuck anyway but that's hardly the point. I do it because I'm the fuck that'll get hung out to dry if anybody stumbles over the body. Me. Not my bosses, not anybody else.

The cops'd come gunning for me and, if I was lucky that day, they'd get me first. I'm not that lucky; haven't been for a while. The word'd go out that a body was found and the next body found would be mine. Cops'd wrap it up nice and neat. One piece of shit killing off another and that would be that.

Light up. Watch the smoke drift over the river. Part of it's smoke but most of it's my breath. It's cold out.

And quiet. Another reason I come out here so early. Sometimes come out even when I don't have a job to do, the way some people go to the park. Even packed something to eat like some sort of half-assed picnic.

If anyone knew I did it, knew I came out here the way I do, they'd laugh their fucking asses off. If they even believed it in the first place. Probably think it was some kind of fucking joke anyway.

Don't quite know how to take that. What, like I can't come to a place for the view? Yeah, that does sound pretty fucking stupid, I know. Doesn't mean it isn't true.

I've only been a few places that were nice, mostly when I was younger, when I still thought I could see shit. When me and Matty looked to get out of all this shit for good.

It didn't work out that way. That still stings like a bitch.

Time worn habit, grind the butt out and drop it in the car's ashtray. Take everything out with me. To not leave anything behind. Not leave anything of mine behind. There's more in that thought somewhere but I'm not really smart enough to put all that shit into words. At least not here. Or yet.

Something like when I'm gone, there's nothing left of me. Nothing to say I was even here. My dad's been gone since I was a kid, leaving me and mom. She's gone now too. A year ago. Cancer.

Friends I had my whole life shot dead in some little fucking town in Montana. Wibeaux. The rest are gone now too.

I pour a cup of black shit out of the thermos I brought with me, not really wanting to think about the rest. Knowing I'm going to think it anyway. Like a fucking busted tooth that I can't leave alone.

The hardest of all of them was Matty. Not that the others weren't hard but there was always something about Matty. Like none of this shit was ever meant to touch him.

It shouldn't've either. We got about as far the fuck away from it as we could. Wasn't far enough I guess. When Benny Chains finally went down, all the sharks came out. Every fuck that had their guns out for Chains came for Matty.

Matty died on the floor of some shitty little bar as he was trying to apologize for some stupid fucking thing that his old man had done years ago. Guess Benny ended up being the death of him anyway.

I didn't give a shit about much of anything after that. So it wasn't hard to go back to the one thing I knew I could do.

Never went to school much. When I was younger, sure. Mom wanted me to. I was good, I guess, but there wasn't a fuck of a lot I could do about it later. About what happened.

With dad gone the money dried up so when that rat fuck Teddy came to me with a job, it was easy. Fuck, maybe it just got easier after a while. I was nine.

When Matty died and I had nothing else, I came back. Teddy took me back with that smug fucking look on his face like he saw it coming.

For all I know, he did. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. About if he knew about Matty. Fuck probably did but I'll never know.

Outside of shooting Teddy in the head, I'll never get an answer to any of it. Know he wouldn't talk, just to fuck with me. Wouldn't bring Matty back no matter what I did to him. Something fucking sad about that.

It's stupid and fucking useless to say it hurts. It's not going to do anything. But yeah, it fucking hurts. I miss him. Never had friends like that after. Maybe I don't want them, it's easier not to care.

The shit I brought with me gets thrown back in the box it came in cus I know that's another fucking lie.

Yeah, I cared about Matty. So the fuck what, like something's wrong with that? He mattered to me. For a while he was the only thing other than Mom that mattered to me.

I miss him.

The fucking phone rings on the seat behind me. I ignored it the first time, let the machine pick it up. Give Teddy some fucking excuse about it later.

Can't ignore it forever and I hate the sound of it here anyway. If I don't pick it up he'll just send someone out to get a hold of me and I'll be shaking a fucking tail all morning if I want any time on my own.

Likes to keep me on a short leash, like his own personal fucking pet. The killer he pulls out to get shit done and scare the shit out of the other dogs.

I think Teddy's getting a little scared in his old age. Like Benny was before him, right at the end. Benny was a ruthless fuck too but he had some balls. Didn't need to go yanking fucking chains and shit. Didn't need to prove nothing to fucking nobody.

That lack of fear probably got him fucking killed. Matty was the same way and it probably got him fucking killed too. Trusted all the wrong people.

Teddy don't trust nobody. Probably whack me in a cold minute if he didn't like having me around to scare the fuck out of people that scared the fuck out of him.

Lost my fucking appetite.

"Reese," I get out, picking up the phone finally.

"Well, it's about time, Taylor. I thought I might have to send someone out to find you."

Teddy still talks in that slow controlled way he's always had. Like some fuck that got to see the whole fucking show before everyone else and likes to rub your nose in it. Something off about it lately like maybe he doesn't know everything he acts like he knows.

Don't bother saying nothing to that. Teddy doesn't give a shit about what I think. Never did. So I wait for him to finish saying whatever it is he wants to say.

"I want you down at Nick's Diner in half an hour, Taylor. There's a job for you and I don't want to hear any excuses."

Just like that, the fuck hangs up. Didn't expect any different. Not like he can talk on the line anyway. Never know who's listening.

Makes me feel like a fucking errand boy. Which is exactly what I am.

© copyright sept 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx


	2. Chapter 2

_Feedback on reviews at the bottom of the chapter!

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**Chapter 2**

Pull up around back at Nick's. He don't like me parking out in front, like I'm gonna scare away business or something.

What fucking business? There's never any fucking body here, 'cept for the same sad fucks that'd be here any other day of the week. A few greasy fuckers splitting a burger. A waitress that took guys out back for a quick fuck against the dumpster in the alley to pad whatever Nick paid her.

She fucked off the minute I showed up, leaving me alone at the counter with Nick. He pours me a cup of coffee in a dirty mug like he's giving charity.

He has that look, like Teddy does. Like I'm fucking beneath him or something. He's standing there in a greasy fucking apron that's never been washed and he looks down his nose at me?

In the scheme of things, the fuck rates higher than me no matter what kind of a dirtbag he is. Connected. And he's got the right blood. Sicilian thing, something I can't do a fucking thing about.

I'm an errand boy but Nick's just another of Teddy's fucking messengers. Teddy likes to have people know that when he calls, I come running. Used to piss me right the fuck off at one point. It doesn't really matter anymore, I guess.

"Let's go talk in back," he mutters at me, looking around the shitty little diner like he expects the feds to kick the door down at any second. Nobody gives a fuck about this place but he's gotta imagine it, like it makes him important or something.

I don't take the seat when he points to it, just stand in the doorway and wait. Arms crossed, like I don't got all fucking day. He fucks around a bit, moves shit around and then gets on with it after a big show. Looking around through the rat's nest of shit and papers all over the desk, looking for something. Paper and pen.

Teddy probably told him to write it down for me. Like I'm too fucking stupid to remember, just the fucking muscle. It makes Nick feel all important as he sweeps some garbage out of the way and starts writing on a pad of paper. I just stand against the door and look scary. That's what I'm there for.

Nick doesn't notice. His head's down nearly on the desk as he writes and I can see his lips moving, the stupid fuck. I know he never made it past the fourth fucking grade. When he's done, he looks it over, talking at me as he does it.

"There's a woman Teddy wants you to pick up, here." Hands me a greasy slip of paper and goes on. "Arms has her in a warehouse, four blocks down, supposed to take her…"

Rather than say it out loud, he points to the paper again, like he's forgotten already. There's an address on it, nothing more. "Arms'll tell you," he finishes lamely. He doesn't know a fucking thing either, just another one of Teddy's gophers.

Armstrong's, 'Arms', place, a warehouse down by the water. Real shithole. He runs all sorts of shit out of there for Teddy. Drugs, furs, weapons, anything that can be pinched off a truck or container. And now apparently women too. Not exactly surprised.

"Who's the broad?" I ask him. Not that I expect him to know, or to tell me. Sometimes I get lucky, and sometimes it's just good to point out that they don't know shit either.

Like I thought, he gets all pissed and pushes away from the desk, acting all fucking offended.

"Nonya fucking business, that's who! Teddy says you'll get the rest when you go pick up the bitch!"

With that, he slams his hand on the desk. I guess that's supposed to scare me or something. I'm not one of the slutty waitresses he slaps around. He makes for me like the bravest fuck in the world. Or the stupidest.

"So he didn't tell you either," I said, getting me another dirty look, like I've never seen that before. I hold my breath as he stomps past me. Not cus I think he's gonna do a fucking thing but because he stinks. Greasy burgers and fried shit on the top and BO on the bottom. It's a lot of fucking bottom.

I wait until he's well past before I look at the note. Scribbled all to fuck. Nothing spelled right. Not like I'm anyone to fucking talk but usually I make a pretty good go at it. If it's something serious, I'll get one of the women I'm fucking to write it out for me so I don't look like a fucking moron when I hand it in. Nick, he don't even give a shit anymore.

I think that's a part of it. Part of why Teddy makes him a messenger boy for me. Another fucking way to humiliate me, getting this moron to run in the middle. Like this fat smelly fuck is better than me. Teddy thinks he is.

I get past Nick at the front again. Don't say nothing. Take a breath of clean fucking air when I get out. That's a fucking laugh, isn't it? Fresh air. Right.

Out of the parking lot and I'm headed for Arm's place. If anything, it's even worse than Nick's. Not for the smell. For the company.

Arms is a greasy fucker in a way that Nick could never even get close to. Greasy little pig eyes. Expensive suit. Acts like he doesn't like to get his fucking hands dirty but I know for a fact that he does. That he likes it a fuck of a lot. He's always looking, always watching.

Fucking old school.

Hate to admit it but the place gives me the fucking creeps. Not many things do that. Walk across the gravel and into the back of the warehouse and I'm on my fucking toes. Ready to run or some shit if it's a setup. Know I'm going in anyway and there's fuck all to be done about it.

I can't fucking walk into a warehouse without feeling that dread now. That heavy feeling low in my gut where everything is screaming at me to run.

Wibeaux.

I know, it's supposed to be fucking barns and shit that make me jumpy but how many fucking barns am I going to walk into in Brooklyn?

One of Arm's guys comes out from around the corner of the wall and I make a point not to startle. That's all I fucking need. If anyone even imagined I might be losing my nerve I'd turn up dead before the end of the day.

That I'd end up shot dead in a place like this doesn't help. Never really had much time for that depression shit but I guess that's pretty fucking depressing. When it comes time to get my ticket punched, I just don't want it to be in a place like this.

Arm's guy spots me right off and raises a fat fucking hand at me. Doesn't say nothing. Like he's hailing a cab. Fat fuck.

"Taylor," he's saying at me in this watery voice like he's got a head cold. Too much booze. Loud enough that I know he's announcing my presence to somebody else.

The office isn't much better than Nick's Diner to look at. Smells a little better. Battered desk with a bare light over the top of it. A brick wall behind it. Boxes of booze stacked up along one of the walls. The good shit, stuff he wouldn't trust to leave out on the floor of the warehouse in case it grew a pair of legs.

Behind the desk, Arms looks like a prizefighter ten years past his expiration date, hard as fuck. Sitting in an expensive leather chair, a foot up on the edge of an opened drawer. I know he's got a gun in there but if he was going to put a hole in me, I'd be dead already. And he'd probably do it out back.

His eyes cut to the side, with a small nod of his head. A shitty looking sofa against the side wall.

The woman is around thirty or so. Maybe just looks that way cus she looks tired and like she's slept hard for a few days. Could be younger, what the fuck do I know. Scared shitless, and defiant. Glaring back at anyone that dared to look at her.

The young boy she held against her chest was just plain old scared shitless. Let out a little sob every couple of minutes. A quick look tells me neither of them have been hurt. From what I can see anyway. Who the fuck knows. They wouldn't be here if they was supposed to be treated nice.

Knowing I was picking up a woman was bad enough but I'm not exactly John Q Citizen and it's not the first time I've done it. So I got past it. The kid is a whole other fucking matter altogether.

For fuck's sake.

Copyright © October 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx

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**Bliss:**

If anybody could write a pretty good killer's handbook, it'd be Taylor, ha! For bigger stories, I try to stick to third person but where there's very few characters, 1st person, really getting inside someone's head, is very satisfying. Connected and scattered, yeah, that's it exactly! Just think of sitting down and telling someone else a story without writing it down first, just talking. People go back and forth all the time, filling stuff in. It's only in notes, in writing, that we end up being these perfectly linear creatures. Thanks, muchly!


	3. Chapter 3

_Feedback on reviews is at the bottom of this chapter, thanks!_

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**Drive 3**

The broad keeps the kid close to her side, tucked behind her leg like she expects me to hurt him or something. Pisses me off. I've never fucking hurt a kid.

What the fuck's she supposed to think though, right? Gets dragged in here and some some hired muscle comes in for her. Guess she's got reason to be scared. Fuck, I don't know what the fuck I'm here for either.

This could be some new fucking low Teddy's got planned for me. Whack a broad and her kid right in front of witnesses. That gets out? I'm dead. Fuck, I don't even want to think about how fucked up that gets.

To fucks like Teddy it might prove something. Like I'm fucking hardcore or some shit.

Other guys'd see it a little different. Like I'd crossed a line. I'd be a fucking marked man. A guy that'd off a woman and a kid just like that? A guy like that is somebody nobody'd ever trust. Fear and respect? Fuck yeah, but I got that already.

Don't need to cross a fucking line that'd be painting a target on my head for every guy out there with kids he gives a shit about. It happens. Some of these guys care about their families and a guy that'd whack a broad holding her kid? That ain't me.

I can't show a damned thing either way. Can't get pissed and walk away either. The second I turn my back on whatever the fuck they're setting me up for, I get shot before I hit the fucking door. Shit, it could be a set up and the minute I go to whack the two of them, I get shot anyway just for looking like I'd do it. I'm fucking dead either way.

Right in front of the kid. No fucking way I let that happen, and not only cus I don't want to bleed out on the floor like some schmuck. I may be a piece of shit but no way I let a kid see that. I'm not that far gone.

If it wasn't me that did it, it'd be someone else just as easy. Always someone out there eager to prove what a hardass they are. A lot'd do it for nothing more than a nod from that fuck Teddy. Dogs begging for scraps. Hate to think Teddy'd just get on the phone and tap somebody else for it like some guy's'd order something to eat. I have to hear this out.

So I stay where I am. Don't look at the broad and the kid, and wait for Arms to tell me what the fuck it is I'm supposed to be doing here. Feels like I'm waiting to hear a death sentence.

Arms watches me the whole time. Wants to see if I'm gonna slip up. Get pissed. Walk away. Say no. One wrong move.

Everything shuts off. I've been here before. I live here.

Arms strikes a match on the edge of the desk. The sound's loud and makes the woman jump. I get the feeling he does it on purpose. He's one of those fuckers that gets off scaring women. Like that's an accomplishment or something.

"There's a van out back. Teddy wants you to take the broad and the kid."

He's talking about it, spelling out the steps like he's talking about picking up his fucking dry cleaning. I watch him the whole time. It would make any other guy uncomfortable, I know. Trying to take it all in without hearing it so much. In case it's shit I don't really want to hear.

I can hear the woman breathing, fast. She's fucking scared to death and maybe she's got the right idea. The kid's quiet now. Not a fucking sound. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

"Where am I s'posed to take them?" I deadpan. Hoping that it's to take them somewhere and drop them off, never see them again. Not get rid of them.

"Little eager, arentcha, Reese?"

Arm's guy gets out at me. Don't say fuck all and keep my eyes on Arms. The other guy isn't important, he wont do fuck all on his own anyway. I keep where he is out of habit, so I can take him out easy if I have to. He knows it too and stays back enough.

Arms watches us both, not missing anything, sizing us both up to see who'll move first. In a clean fight, fuck, even in a real fight, I can take this fucker out without raising a sweat. That's not the question. It's how clean the fight stays and who else gets hurt when it happens.

"Tired a fucking around. What's the job." I says finally. This shit's played out long enough already.

Arms leans back in his chair, playing with his deck of smokes, end over end. "She belongs to Tony D'Angelo, in Vegas. Due to circumstances, she can't be loaded onto a plane."

That explains a fuck of a lot.

Circumstances. That means she ain't exactly willing. No surprise there. It also means that it's likely someone's gonna come looking for her and if she shows up at an airport, any fucking airport, she's gonna be flagged.

D'Angelo changes shit too. That's one mother of a circumstance and explains why they need the muscle, not just some fucking driver.

I wait for the other shoe to drop. Know there's another shoe. There's always another fucking shoe.

"There's a map in the van. You're driving."

All the way to Vegas. That's a hell of a fucking shoe.

Copyright © October 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx

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**Tiberius T.:** And more you shall have!

**TashaTaz:** I really enjoyed getting to write a very hard Taylor again (boy, that sounded wrong, or right!, I can't tell :b)

**blissdementia:** yep, that's exactly what I was hoping for, to throw you off! Yay! So this is good, here's another chapter, and enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks so much, Bliss! I like being in their heads too, in their settings. It's great fun :)

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**Drive 4**

They got a van ready for me out back of the warehouse. Arm's guy pulls the woman along by the arm. Kid's still hanging onto her, nearly falling 'cause that fucker just keeps pulling them across the lot. Not giving a shit if they're keeping up or not.

I swear, that fucking kid falls once and I know I'll end up going old school on that fat fuck. I don't have to and that's just as well, I s'pose. It's more shit I just don't fucking need.

If she belongs to D'Angelo, neither of these fuckers is gonna hurt her for real anyway. Wouldn't dare. Or she'd be hurt plenty already.

D'Angelo's made. Just like Arms, and nothing like Arms. There's made and then there's made. Arm's ain't much better'n me, no matter what the fuck he tells himself. Just a fucking go-between for other guys to use. To get done what they need to get done.

Tony D'Angelo is a whole other fucking ball game.

I don't know a fuck of a lot about him, except to know that he's high up. Definitely higher than Arms and probably higher than Teddy. Or why would Teddy be going out of his way to do shit for him? That fuck don't lift a finger to help anybody unless there's something in it for him.

So what's he doing it for?

Don't exactly expect Teddy to get on the phone and fill me in on what the fuck's really going on, either. Don't even think Arms knows, or if he does, he's guessing like me. The only one of us with any sort of a fucking clue what's going on is the broad, and she don't exactly look like the talking type. At least not the talking to me type.

"Get your filthy fucking hands off me!"

She's in the back seat of the van with the door open, the kid right beside her. Still hanging on like she's the only thing in the world. Arm's guy is all fucking shit-eating grins as he holds his hands up.

"Just making sure you're buckled in. Don't want you smashing in that pretty face in an accident."

She looks at him like something she's just scraped off her shoe. Don't blame her. She ain't buying it. Me either. Even I caught the threat in that. The sooner we're outta here the better.

I check her out in the rearview mirror. Fuck, she's pissed. Buckles in the kid next to her and glares at the fuck who's still standing there with a stupid fucking grin on his face. Like he's impressing somebody.

She's not too happy with me either and shoots a dirty look at me as she pulls the kid closer to her. Don't even pretend to act like I'm sorry. What, like I could apologize? It's not like I got a choice either. And whether the broad knows it or not, I'm the better option. Not much better but at least I'm not pawing at her in front of her kid.

"What, Taylor? I was just try'na buckle her in."

Fucker's still try'na play it like some sorta stupid grab ass joke. Like we should all be laughing at it. Idiot.

"Don't know if Tony D'Angelo's gonna be all that happy if he hears about it," I says.

I don't know if that's true or not but it lands on the dumb fuck like a bomb. Kills all the humor like that, dead. Fuck actually looks afraid for a second. Eyes all over my face to see if I'm serious but I ain't giving him shit.

Maybe sometime in the next week he'll forget all about it but I don't think so. I think he's going to be worried about what he did to her until he's sure he won't get whacked for it. Let him sweat. It's a good thing he don't know shit all either. Knows enough to be afraid and that's always worked for me. Works for her too.

Name's Rita. The kid's Chris. I guess short for Christopher or some shit. That's all I got from Arms as far as what the hell to call her. Don't think she wants me calling her 'the broad' all the way to Vegas. Even I'm not that stupid.

She looked pissed enough to spit when she heard Arms say the kid's name. If she wasn't getting dragged out across the parking lot, I think she would have made a run at him for it. Didn't do that over her name, but over the kid's. Story there.

I'm not gonna find out shit all here, not with that stupid fucker still looking at her through the window. Like some dumb fuck at the zoo. Never seen women before or something.

Map's on the seat next to me and I unfold it. Look at where I'm supposed to go next and refold the map so's I can see where the hell I'm going. Not that I need a fucking map in Brooklyn, I don't need directions, but Teddy's got some dumb fucking set up he wants me to follow. So he can track me. Or just to fuck with me.

Bunch of hoops like I'm a goddamned trained seal. Except I don't think they shoot seals if they drop the ball, or whatever the fuck it is they do.

I guess it's to keep me on as short a leash as possible. If I'm talking on a cell phone, I can be anywhere, right? Teddy wants to make sure I'm at certain spots at certain times. I have to call in from there, so he knows I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Doesn't fucking trust me. No surprise there. Teddy don't trust nobody. Chains? Chains'd tell you to do something and then you were expected to just fucking do it. God help you if you didn't get it fucking done.

If you called him about some stupid shit? He didn't want to hear shit about where you were at that moment; that you were parked at a gas station or something. Just come back and tell him when it was done and that's that. Fuck, I can't even imagine just calling him to shoot the shit about the time of day.

Teddy actually fucking hires guys to answer his phones. And I mean phones, more than one. Like fucking secretaries, can you believe that? Unfuckingbelievable. It'd be funny if he wasn't so serious about it all. Dead fucking serious.

I got a call to make in a few hours, outside the city. The notepad that came tucked inside the map says it's a gas station. There's money for gas in the van, and food. The broad doesn't look like the kinda person that's gonna be all that happy about eating shit from a gas station but I doubt they asked her. Then I got to call Teddy.

Another look at Rita in the back seat. She still hasn't said a word to me. Yet. The kid looks like he's asleep, his sides rising and falling. Hitches every once in a while, like maybe he's still crying a little in his sleep. That fucker Teddy. I can't believe he's got me doing this shit.

Won't look at me, not that I'm trying or anything. Just holds her kid, rubbing his back, and looks out the window.

Sure as fuck can't be for the view. Warehouses turn to boarded up and gated storefronts. It's not even dark out yet and there's all kindsa guys dealing shit right out in the open. Nobody's gonna stop them. Nobody comes down here if they can help it. Nobody's gonna stop us either. We stand out a little, sure as fuck, but not enough down here to matter. The cops aren't gonna bother anyone down here. In their eyes, when shit goes down, it's no humans involved.

I'm used to it but I don't think she is. Watches everything, like she's not entirely sure that the guys on the street won't come right up to the van. She holds the kid a little tighter when we stop at a light and a knot of the fuckers cross the street right in front of us. They don't dare look at me but get brave eying her. Nothing's gonna happen but she don't know that.

Makes me glad the kid's asleep. Fuck, I don't know where the hell that thought came from. I'm going soft, I swear, but kids shouldn't have to see that shit. My old man never let me see that shit when he was alive. Didn't have much choice later on when he was gone. But before that, I had no fucking clue.

For a few years I tried to keep Matty from seeing it. Thought it was right but what the fuck did I know? Some shit you can't escape no matter how much you want it. And Matty? He was born to this shit, even if he wasn't made for it. Which he wasn't. I guess I always knew that. I should have stopped him from going to Wibeaux insteada just going with him. Stopped him from seeing his old man before we left maybe. I doubt it would have done a fuck of a lot of good though.

Matty ended up following his old man. Didn't want to but did it anyway, like he couldn't do anything else. Even when it looked like he was getting out, it followed him anyway.

I ended up like my old man. I'm older now than he was when he bought it. Maybe that's an accomplishment.

Makes me think about the kid in the back. Whose kid is he and what's he gonna turn into? Shaking my head again, wondering where the fuck that shit's coming from.

It's being on the road. Always makes me think shit, when it's quiet. It's not like the company's all that great either. Another hour we drive like that. Me thinking, the kid sleeping, her not looking at me, saying shit all. Boarded up shitholes turn into apartment blocks and ugly fucking tract housing. Still shitholes. Less people around.

In the back, the woman dozed off and on. Looking more tired after. Whatever sleep she's getting isn't doing her a hell of a lot of good. The last time she did it she woke up with a jolt, looked scared. The kid started to fuss at being moved all of a sudden, whining.

"Mom?"

"Quiet…"

She's muttering nonsense shit at him, rubbing his back and rocking slightly. I remember seeing my mom do that when she was still alive. Every time she was around a kid that started to cry. Didn't matter whose kid it was neither or if she was holding him at the time. She'd just start to rock back and forth a little bit. Hardwired, I guess.

"I'm hungry, and I have to go pee."

She's getting agitated when she can't quiet him down. Looking around the van. Outside. Only lastly at me. Resents the fuck out of me too. She doesn't trust me, that's a given. I wouldn't trust me either. She doesn't want to ask but the kid won't let up.

We're not at the first stop yet but if I don't stop soon, the kid's gonna piss himself back there. The van'll stink and the kid'll be wet and bitchy. It's not like those fucks packed clothes or anything, it's just her and the kid and me and that's it. She'll hate me more than she already does. Not that that's a big deal but it's a long fucking way to Vegas. A bitchy woman is just gonna make that worse.

Spot a gas station two blocks over and head for it. Already off my route.

Copyright © November 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks, Bliss! Questions are good! As for the attacky goodness? *whistles innocently*

* * *

**Drive 5**

I drove around back as close as I could get. Rita was already pulling on the door handle by the time I got out there. Not that it would do her any fucking good.

They disabled the locks back there. That's standard shit. I had it done on mine when I still had it. It's a fuck of a lot easier than trying to chase some guy down the street if he manages to get loose. She could pull on that fucking thing all day and she's not getting out of there till I let her.

I got her by the arm again quick when I pull open the side door. The kid's stopped crying but he's still jumping around, hanging onto her hand. Right now I guess that's a bigger worry for her than me. She pushes past me. Tries to. A little fucking hard when I got a hold of her but I gotta give her credit for trying.

She spins around like a dog on the end of a leash, ready to spit again, eyes nearly black she's so fucking pissed off. I'm used to broads being pissed at me. They're either crying or they're swearing and throwing shit. Rita isn't swearing at me yet. She looks like she could though. Like she'd be good at throwing shit. I think it's only the kid that's keeping her from letting loose. Worried I still might hurt the kid.

"Mommy! I gotta go! Mommy!"

Right then she stops pulling away and gets right up in my face.

"You think this is funny, you fucking prick? You get off on this?"

Looks like I'm gonna get both crying and screaming and swearing. She's shaking she's so worked up. Not crying yet but there's that shine, like she could at any minute. Think she'd rather gouge her own eyes out than cry in front of me. Just to spite me.

"Look, lady. I'm not even s'posed to stop here, so why don't you quit fucking around and let me check the john?" I says, continuing to pull her along with me. Wanting this shit to be over with quick.

Nobody's looking at us. Nobody wants to see nothing. Not down here. Even if the garage was full of people there's not a single one of them that's gonna say a fucking thing. Shit like that gets you dead down here. Don't know if Rita knows that or not. She keeps looking around like she expects somebody's gonna help her.

If she knew any better, she wouldn't want their fucking help. Help like that'd get a woman killed. Especially as she's so fucking pissed off. She'd never know how much shit she'd stepped in until it was too late to do fuck all about it.

The kid'd probably be all right. Probably. Don't like the odds there. There's a lot of fuckers that'd hurt a kid.

Keeping a hold of her I toe open the door to the bathroom. It's a shithole.

"Maybe it'd be better if you just let him piss against the side of the building, lady."

I wouldn't let a dog in there. She don't like it either and for once we're agreeing. It's not like it's a new fucking day or nothing, just some shit is too much.

She's talking quiet to the kid. Mom-voice. I recognize that. Talk you into anything. Doesn't matter how old you get. Had me convinced but the kid drops his head, getting more agitated. Something about number two. Took me a second. It's been a while.

The place is a dump but there's only one way out. Through me. No windows, no other doors. Metal mirror, like prison.

"Make it quick," I says, letting her arm go.

If she was a guy, I'd'a worried about how dangerous she would be. Might even be dead right now, letting her go like that. Still might be if I'm not careful around her.

The place fucking stinks even with the door closed and I take the couple of minutes I got to light up a smoke. I listen at the door but can't hear what they're saying. She's talking though. Kid's quiet.

Toilet flushes and the water's running. Grind the butt out on the ground and get ready.

Stopping's always a mistake. Stopping somewhere you're not supposed to is an even bigger mistake.

Even before Rita pulled that door open I'm on her. Get her and the kid back to the van. Get to the call-point. Get this day behind me and move on to the next.

I went for her arm but she's coming at me too. Snarling, she launches herself off the door jamb, pushing against it for leverage.

A guy would probably take a swing at me, throw a punch. Never really fought with a woman before unless you count ducking flying glasses and shit as you try to get out of their place after you make the mistake of leaving money on the wrong woman's bedside table after a fuck.

Rita isn't throwing shit and she sure as fuck isn't throwing punches. She comes flying out at me, all nails and teeth. I got her by the arm but she's got me too. Fucking bitch bit hard enough to draw blood before I pulled my hand off her arm.

I figured she'd make a run for it when I let go. Which would make it a fuck of a lot easier on me to get a hold of her again, once she turned around.

"Run! Matty! Run now!"

She's screaming at the kid to run and then she's on me again. Her nails rip open a cut on my jaw and she's not backing up any.

Been a long time since anyone's gotten that close. Since I've let anyone get that close. And I let her, even if I couldn't do a fucking thing about it.

Matty? The kid's name is Matty? What the fuck is that? Arms said the kid's name was Chris. Rita didn't say it, Arms did. Explains her being so fucking pissed off about the kid's name.

Matty. Fuck. That name threw me for a loop which is how she got her shot in. Even without her swinging and clawing at me, it feels like I just got slapped.

The kid's standing a few feet behind his mother. Looking scared and miserable. Not running. He jumps every time Rita screams at him to run but he's not going anywhere. Just stands there looking between his mother and me.

I manage to get a hand on Rita's arm and start to push her back towards the van. With her free hand she gets another shot in, raking her nails along the inside of the arm I'm holding her with.

"For fuck's sake, lady! Do that again and I'll put you out!"

Don't really want to hit her but it's getting fucking ridiculous. If she was a guy I'd knock her ass out cold and that'd be that. She gets her licks in because I can't just fucking haul off and hit her.

Threatening her had her fight harder, like she doesn't care what happens to her. It's a fucking struggle to get her other arm and then I throw her against the side of the van face first. Pressed against her to keep her from turning around and clawing my eyes out or something.

She's screaming mad by this point. If she keeps struggling, she's gonna hurt herself. Or I'm going to have to hit her. Something I really don't want to do. The more she fights, the more I hate Teddy for getting me into this mess.

It's almost like she doesn't care what happens to her. She's just fighting. I don't know the last time I ever saw that, somebody that fought back like that. Like it didn't matter if they lived or died. Like they didn't feel it.

It's the kid she's fighting for. To give the kid a chance to run.

I'd never admit this to a fucking soul but I watch those animal shows. Like on the nature channel. Matty used to like them and I'd bust his balls about it. Now that he's gone, I watch them. Used to be skin flicks when I had to hole up somewhere and now it's these fucking animal shows, can you believe that?

Anyway, Rita reminded me of one of those mother bears or something. Protecting her cub.

The kid still isn't running. I'm keeping an eye on him, knowing I'm gonna have to go after the kid once I get Rita back in the van.

The kid. Matty. He's not crying anymore. He's stiff as a board, his hands in fists at his sides. If looks could kill I'd be dead sure as I'm fucking standing.

Rita's still screaming at him to run in between her calling me every name in the book and in the same breath begging me to let him go. Not let her go. Him. Fuck me.

Just like that I got the kid on me too. Screaming mad, like a little version of his mother. No way I'm gonna hit a fucking kid but fuck me, this has gone on far enough.

I got Rita by the hair finally and I'm trying to get the van door open. My hand is slippery with blood from her fucking nails in my arm and it takes me a few tries. Then she's in but not before the little bastard manages to punch me in the balls.

With Rita thrown into the back of the van, picking up the little kid before he takes another swing at me is easy and he gets thrown in after his mother. She puts herself between him and me, like maybe she thinks I'm going to go after the kid or something. If he was a couple of years older I'd kick his ass for it but no way am I gonna hit a little kid.

"Please! Please don't hurt him! Just let him go…please…"

All the words run into each other as she begs me to let her kid go.

I wish she was a guy. She could beat the shit out of me or I could beat the shit out of her. There wouldn't be all this fucking guilt.

Rummaging around in the back of the van, I come up with a bungee cord and tie her hands behind her back, pulling the cord through a support in the side of the van. With her against the side, not going anywhere, I got my finger against her chest as I'm talking.

"It's a long fucking drive and if you don't want to spend the whole trip tied up on the floor of this van, get this into your fucking head. I don't want to have to hurt you and I sure as fuck don't want to hit the kid."

"You might as well," she spits at me. Can't do a fucking thing and she can still cut with that tongue.

"Might as well what?"

"Hurt me. Kill me. What do you think that bastard is going to do to me, do to my son, when you take us to him?"

I don't want to think about it. I don't want to know. We need to get the hell out of here. No one's gonna call the cops here but why take the fucking chance. I can't do a thing about her situation. If it wasn't me, it'd be someone else.

"He's going to a lot of trouble to bring you to him." It's a shitty explanation but it's all I got.

She snorts at me, disgusted. "He doesn't care about Matty. All he cares about is that he's a son. An heir." She says it like it's a case of the clap. "He wants to turn him into a monster. Just like him. Just like you."

She shoots another disgusted look at me even as her voice breaks at the end. I'm used to begging. To ignoring it.

Matty. It's the fucking name that gets me. Why the fuck does his name have to be Matty?

"What's with the name?" I ask. She just looks at me and there's that begging look again. Like she's got hope but it fades again just as fast. I've seen that look before. You're beating on a guy and there's that moment where he knows it don't matter what he says. He's gonna get hit. He's gonna die. Rita has that look.

She just closes her eyes and shuts me out, keeping her body between me and the kid as much as she can.

There's some napkins and shit up front and I clean up all the blood as best as I can. Get the fuck over to the call-site.

Copyright © November 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks, Insanekitty :) Yes, the fight was coming, but I don't think Taylor quite expected that, and the name def. threw him, mwahahaha! Thanks for joining and enjoying, Tiberius!

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**Drive 6**

"You're late, Taylor."

That's what that fucker Teddy gets out at me when I get to the phone booth round back of the gas station I'm s'posed to stop at. Picked up before it hardly got through ringing the one time. Like he was waiting.

Or watching.

I wouldn't put it past the fuck either. Even if nobody's watching me, he'd want me to think there is. Or could be. Inside New York at least, I'd say it's a possibility. Fuck.

"Kid had to take a piss. I'm calling now, aren't I?"

I put it out there like it's no big fucking deal but all the while I'm looking around. Trying to see who he's got. Could be the fuck behind the counter or the guy pumping gas. Or neither.

"Don't be late again, Taylor. I expect your next call on time, no exceptions. And no problems, or it's your head."

There's something in how he says it that feels like he almost wants me to be late and I'm looking around again. Just like that, he's hanging up and I still got that fucking crawling feeling at the bottom of my gut. Can't pass it off as just my aching balls either. I'm being watched.

Can't say I didn't expect it. Teddy's fucking paranoid and getting worse.

I'm careful. Always been careful. Probably doesn't look that way from the amount of shit I've gotten into but I'm still breathing when a lot of fucks wouldn't be. I don't believe in luck but I do believe in being careful. Only ever been one time when I set that aside and jumped into something, knowing what it would cost me, and I took a bullet for it.

So I'm running all this shit through my head as I walk into the gas station. Rita's still tied up in the back of the van so she's not going anywhere. Had to tie up the kid while I came in here but he's not gonna leave his mother anyway or he would have when she told him to run.

If somebody'd been tailing me, I'd'a caught that, so he'd only be watching me at the points along the way. The places where I'm supposed to call in. Probably why he set it up that way, watch me in places instead'a trying to tail me.

Guess the van could be bugged too. I doubt he'd go for sound. Probably a tracking bug. I could go over it later. Doubt it though. No way Teddy wants to risk a record of anything. Definitely not from me. I think he watches me. Uses me as long as he can, but all the time he's watching for that one fuck up. I know where all the bodies are and if I talked, I could fuck him good and he knows it. It scares the shit out of him, I think.

I'm no rat. I think Teddy knows that but he don't know it the way Chains might'a known it.

No, he wouldn't bug the van. He'd be watching at the stops.

The guy behind the counter maybe. Fat fuck's probably wearing the best shirt he has. Looks like the last time he did any decent work was around 1980. I peg him as the owner cus he's sitting back there doing fuck all and I don't see any of the other guys doing that. I figure he's got to be the guy in Teddy's pocket. There's a garage around the side. Strip out cars. Doesn't matter. I'm not here to see nothing.

Pull a case of soda out of the fridge and grab some juice after thinking about it, for the kid. There's not much that's any good to eat but I grab some shit out of the deli fridge they got by the counter. Looking through all'a the sandwiches for ones with a decent date on them.

That'd be just the fucking thing, wouldn't it? Survive all this shit and get my ticket punched cus I ate some fucking poison sandwich out of this shithole.

There's a bunch of other shit at the front. Crap you're supposed to want to buy at the last minute, like these little fucking cars. Stupid. I felt like an asshole putting it on the counter with the rest of the shit but the fat fuck isn't gonna say shit to me about it.

Still don't know why the fuck they didn't pack nothing. Not for her. Not for the kid. She's got nothing, not even her purse. Must have grabbed them both in a hurry.

Before they could run again, is that it? Rita was ready to have that kid run and sure as fuck she doesn't want to go back to Vegas if that's where she came from in the first place.

The whole thing's fucked up.

They're both still tied up on the floor when I get back to the van. Not that I expected much different. I'm good at what I do.

Rita looks tired but still tries to put herself between me and the kid.

"Just letting him go, lady."

She's not talking when I pull the cloth out of her mouth. Just gives me a hard look and then lies back on the floor. Been crying.

Kid's not crying anymore. He's got a hard look, like his mother. Tries to pull away from me as I untie his hands. I don't want to look at either of them. The broad's bad enough but having to take that strap offa the kid's wrists makes me feel like the lowest piece of shit going. Don't say it often cus I don't really feel it often anymore but I'm fucking ashamed of myself that it's got this far. That I have.

This isn't beating the fuck out of people. It's not whacking people. It's fucking worse. Like Rita, the kid turns away from me the minute he doesn't have to face me no more.

I'm a fucking dirtbag. A dirtbag a kid don't want to look at. Nothing for it now. I took this job, not that I had a fuck of a lot of say in it. Now I got to see it through.

"I won't untie your mom while I'm driving."

I'm explaining to the kid as I put all the shit out on the floor of the van, in between the two of them.

"You're gonna have to hold it for her if she wants anything."

Feeling stupid, I leave that little car on top of a sandwich and go back up front with a coke and something to eat.

It's a good half hour before the kid moves. Unwraps a sandwich and shares it with his mother, holding it for her as they share bites.

Doesn't touch the toy. Knew that was a fucking mistake. What the hell was I thinking? I've got his mother tied up in the back of a van and he's gonna forgive me cus I bought him a toy?

I don't know shit about kids but how would I? The only kids I can remember is me and Matty. The rest of the Knockaround Guys. Buncha little fucking monsters that'd rather play with a gun than pick up some stupid little piece of shit car.

Except Matty. Never had it in him. Even later, after Wibeaux, he never had it in him. It's no good thinking about Matty now but I can't stop it. Not with the kid back there. It's like a busted tooth and I can't stop working over it once I know it's there.

Dead fucking silent, the both of them, so I got nothing to do but think. So much for worrying about having to listen to people jabbering at me the whole fucking way. Quiet's worse.

I'm fucking around with the radio at every light but I can't settle on anything. When I do find something anywhere half decent I'm out of range in no time. Or I get all sorts of fucking static cus of buildings and shit. Usually I prefer it quiet, go figure.

Another hour and I give it up. The radio stays off.

Copyright © December 2008 xxxevilgrinxxx


	7. Chapter 7

_thank you's for feedy are below this chapter..._

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**Drive 7**

I like just driving.

We're not in the city anymore and I can feel that coming off me. I'm always careful but there's something about being in the country that makes it easy to not be so careful all the time.

I remember when me and Matty, the rest of the guys, we were just kids fucking around. It was summer break, I can't remember the year, it all sort of blurred together but after school got out we went on a fucking camping trip if you can believe that. Tents and everything.

Chris fucking hated it, hated having to shit in the woods. 'Like an animal' he'd yell, every fucking morning we were out there.

Marbles was into his granola-eating shit, some sort of a hippie thing. Don't know where the fuck he got that that year, but camping suited him.

But it was Matty that really loved it. We'd all make a fire in some fucking half oil drum somebody'd left out there buried in the dirt. Sometimes he'd talk but mostly he'd just be quiet, looking up at all the fucking stars.

I never did that shit when I was a kid, thought it was for pussies but I can't remember ever once telling Matty he was a pussy for it. For other shit yeah, I'd bust his balls, but not for that. Maybe I did, I don't know but I really don't think I did. Matty knew cool shit that nobody else knew or that would talk about. Definitely wouldn't talk to me about. Never knew anybody else that'd just talk about shit like that.

I do that every once in a while now, just look at the fucking stars. Like last night when I planted that guy.

Hard to see stars in the middle of the city. Some of the big ones I guess but it's not the same. The only one I could name would be Orion. I know that's more than one but it's the only one I know, the only one I can remember him showing me. Matty pointed it out that year when we was camping. Explained how to tell direction by it but I've forgotten how.

It's dark enough out here that I can see it clearly, the three stars in the middle pointing up over the trees.

Dark and I'm fucking beat. Never did get a lot of sleep last night and I don't exactly have company to keep me awake.

In the back, the kid's asleep curled up close against his mother. Rita's not really sleeping. She dozes off and then jolts awake like the shit in her dreams won't let her go under. Fucking hate nightmares.

I can't drive straight to Vegas on no sleep, no fucking way. Won't risk sleeping in the van either and getting rousted by the cops with a woman and kid in the back. Too many fucking questions.

Up on the left there's a sign for a shitty little motel. Looks about right. Cheap. Not that I give a shit about money but cheap means I don't have to explain nothing to nobody. I can pay in cash, drop a fake name, no questions asked, no records kept.

It's not on the map but I'm past giving a shit. There's another call in spot tomorrow not far from here and Teddy doesn't give a shit where or even if I sleep so long as I'm there when he makes the call. Guess that's why he didn't plan that out. Probably figured we'd sleep in the van somewhere on the side of the road.

A wave to the old guy at the front desk and I'm driving through an empty lot and parking at the very end. Take care of Rita and the kid and then head back to the office, renting the last room on the end, a double.

I got to check the room before I let them out of the van. Make sure there's no other way out, no back doors or windows. Make sure we're not going to run into a maid or something. Check what I have in there to keep the broad restrained or if I have to bring something with me from the van.

Better to check that shit now so I can get her and the kid into the room with as little trouble as possible. I hate surprises, always did, so I make sure I don't have any.

Classic shitty little motel room. A cement box with a bathroom. Two beds, night table in between. Small TV bolted to a metal stand at the end of the room with a big card advertising porn. I turn that face down on the stand. Kid don't need to see that shit.

The bathroom's cold and small with one window. It's nailed shut and barred. Guess they don't give much of a shit about fire codes. No way out there.

There's an old style radiator on the far wall and I push one of the beds up against it. I'll take the other one, close to the window and door.

I don't sleep so good anymore so even if Rita gets loose she's not going to get past me. Where would she go anyway? It's the middle of fucking nowhere. I think she'd try for it if she could. Hard to run with a kid at this time of night though.

Out in the van I gotta be quick. Get them into the room with as little fuss as possible. I got a couple of ways of doing that. I could hurt her or I could threaten her. I don't much like either but the second option's easier.

I got her by the arm and I know how threatening I can be. It's how I've made my living for as long as I can remember. So I know she's scared shitless.

The kid keeps asking 'mom, mom, mom', but I shut him out. It isn't going to do any good to think about it.

"It's like this. We're gonna move and you're gonna be quiet. If you even think about you're gonna cause me trouble-"

Without a word she's pleading with me at this point, her eyes between me and the kid.

I fucking hate this but I gotta go with the thing that scares the shit out of her the most if I want her to go along quietly.

"If you cause me any trouble, we leave. I drive to the next call in. When I get there I tell them to come pick up you and the kid. Maybe they take you and maybe they don't. Maybe they just take the kid. But I kinda get the feeling it's the kid they really want."

Terrified. Fuck me, did I say how much I fucking hate this? Why the fuck can't she be a guy? One quick punch and a warning to shut the fuck up or he gets hit again. Some guys would do that to her anyway. I'm not one of those guys. She don't know that though.

"Please…"

She's never begged for a fucking thing, not once since this began. She's fought and swore, even attacked me, but she's never begged. She's begging now.

Not exactly the first time I've heard that either. Everybody fucking begs, don't matter how big they are, they all fucking beg, so why does this get to me? Is it that she's a broad? Is it the kid? I don't even want to know and I don't have the time to deal with it now. Don't have the luxury of showing weakness. Compassion.

"Lady, let's just make this quick. We all get a night's sleep and everything looks better in the morning."

After the threat, the promise. It's the way it goes. Nothing sounds so good as a possible way out when you thought you were dead and Rita takes it, clinging to the slim hope.

"Hold his hand. We're moving quick and remember, no problems."

There's an 'or else' at the end of that that I know she hears. Her heart's pounding so hard I can feel her pulse in her hand as I grip it, pulling her and the kid out of the van. The strap is tucked out of sight in the cuff of my jacket. Not that anyone is looking anyway but it gives me a bit of control over her.

Kid's still whispering for his mom, fucking scared, but Rita isn't saying shit. She's scared too, for different reasons.

I'm a bastard, but so far I'm a bastard that hasn't hurt her yet. I'm a known. If I leave her with someone else there's no saying how bad it could be. Probably worse.

We're inside without incident in no time and she looks over her shoulder once at the open door, her eyes closing. A chance lost. Even if it's a bad chance. Can't blame her for wanting a way out.

Now she's looking around for a new way out. Her whole body tightens as I push her over to the bed and she's begging again, the kid pulled behind her, away from me.

"Please! Please, I'll do whatever you want, just…just not in front of Matty? please?"

The pleading isn't just in her words. It's in the sound of her voice and her eyes, her whole face. If I wasn't holding her up I think she'd drop to her knees.

Also not the first time that's happened but it's different with a woman. Cus she doesn't think I'm gonna beat the shit out of her. Or doesn't think that's all I'll do. She thinks I'm gonna rape her, in front of her kid no less.

When the back of her knees hit the bed her expression changed a little, like a trapped rat. All her muscles tense so tight I can see them pop on the surface of her skin.

"No."

It's all she says, her head dropping a little as she bares her teeth at me. She's gonna fight again. With a guy, having him scared makes my job easier. With a broad it's a whole other ballgame. The rules are all out the fucking window and there's no telling what a woman'll be capable of.

I've seen women do some pretty fucked up things when they have no other choice. They don't feel pain, like they don't even know how hurt they are till after. I gotta take this down again quick.

"Lady, I'm no rapist. I'm not going to touch you, you got it? But I'd kind of like to get some decent sleep and I don't need to be worrying about whatever the fuck you're up to."

I'm holding the strap up again, closing in on her. The kid's already up on the bed, pushed there by Rita.

"I'm no rapist. You have my word." I'm repeating, talking soft and shit, trying to convince her.

At that, the ghost of steel is back. Fuck, that woman has a hell of a temper on her. Must kill her to have to hold her tongue. She's looking at me, trying hard to see if she can believe me. Deep black circles under her eyes. Strung out, she hasn't slept either. Whatever she got in the van was just exhaustion and fear.

"Just sleep. I'm not interested in hurting you."

Most of the time I know how to get what I want from a woman. Of course, most of the time they want the same thing so there isn't much convincing needed. She's not interested but the mechanics are the same.

She's swallowing and fighting tears. Who the fuck knows what she's had to face before today but she's near the point of having enough.

"Back up. Easy."

Pushes the kid behind her as she goes, stays facing me like she hasn't given up the idea of fighting yet.

Quickly, I strap her wrists to the radiator. Her and then the kid, testing and making sure it'll hold but that they can still lie down and get some sleep. Back up off the bed, my hands up to show her I'd keep my word.

They're both backed up in the corner watching me carefully. Matty's crying again, not making a sound. Just curled up against his mother's side, crying. She's almost crying but fighting it. Fuck.

Take the corner of the blanket and cover them both up to the waist with it. Back away again.

Fuck me, as if I wasn't fucking exhausted already.

"Gonna see what's on. You might want him to close his eyes at first, in case it's shit he shouldn't see."

I fucking hope they got something other than x-rated shit. I lean back on the lumpy bed and try not to look at them, flip through channels.

Most of it's porn and I flick through that quick. Not just for the kid but the broad don't need to see that shit either, she's scared enough as it is. Settle on a channel with shaky reception. Figures it's a nature show.

Copyright © January 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx

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Thank so much, Bliss and Tiberius! Most people aren't black and white and Taylor would be no different. The kid has got to him :D

Thanks for reading and enjoying!


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks, Bliss :) I like that motel scene too, with him and Matty, just talking. I think with this I'm trying to say that he's not just his job. It's something he does but it's not necessarily something he is

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**Drive 8**

Wolves hunting rabbits. Fucking rabbit's zigging and zagging all over the place, right under the jaws of that wolf. Somebody's always fucking dinner. That's one of the things I picked up from watching all those shows since Matty's been gone.

Something else I learned is that it don't always work that way.

Sometimes that rabbit puts all he's got into it. Don't bother looking back, don't bother waiting to see if that fucking wolf's coming. He just runs on pure instinct. Pure drive. Sometimes that's enough and that fucking wolf is left walking away in the snow, huffing and beat.

For a long time I thought I was a wolf. Like what guy wants to come out and say he's just a fucking rabbit, right? No guy wants to say that shit but at least for me, it's true. I might be a big fucking rabbit but it's what I am.

I look over at Rita curled up on her side with her boy held close to her. He's not crying anymore and I think he might even be sleeping. Exhaustion.

Rita's a rabbit too. She sure as I'm lying here isn't no wolf. Just a matter of whether or not she gets caught or not, ends up as somebody's dinner. That part's up to me.

She's awake but not watching the TV. She's watching me. Carefully. I get that. Sure, I said I wasn't going to hurt her but I bet she's heard that shit before. I know I've said that to people, that I wasn't gonna hurt them. Mostly to get them to do something I needed them to do, say something they needed to say. So I know that sometimes it's a lie.

She's looking at me, watching me, like she's not sure she's ready to believe I'm not lying to her. I wonder for a split second whether anyone's hit her and then I'm backing away from that thought as fast as I can. It's a road I don't want to go down. I can't afford to care about it.

Get comfortable as much as I can and try to ignore them in the other bed. It should be pretty easy. She's still not saying shit to me.

Watch a few more rabbits and try to let it just turn into background noise but I can't quite get to the point of closing my eyes and going to sleep. Had trouble with that for a few years now, just dropping off to sleep. I used to be able to close my eyes for a few minutes and I'd be out. Sometimes only for a few minutes but I could depend on it. Now? Fuck, I'm lucky if I can get four hours a night.

I hear shit all the time. Cars going by out on the road, people walking by, anything. I hear that shit and I'm wide awake again, listening. After Matty was gone, every fucking sound and I was reaching for a gun until I thought I was losing my fucking mind. Probably was. Rabbits.

Rita tightens up when I swing my legs over the side of the bed, rubbing my hands over my eyes. I'm fucking exhausted but she's not much better. Gotta piss. I hold my hands out as I stand. Telling her she's still safe isn't gonna do shit. Maybe wake up the kid, that's about it. At least one of us is sleeping.

The bathroom floor's fucking freezing cold and it takes forever to take a piss. I keep an eye on Rita through the open bathroom door, in the reflection of the little mirror over the sink. She's watching the door carefully the whole time.

Show's different when I get back to the bed. Alligators. That's something I understand. Fucking dinosaurs. Deal with those fucking predators every damned day. I'd change the channel but I don't think there's fuck all on that I want to watch. Definitely not with a woman and a kid around anyway. Close my eyes and just do the best I can with it.

The narrator drones on but it's quiet, just background shit. I count out the time in half-hour installments between one show and the next, dozing off every once in a while.

Rita's not doing much better than me. Falls asleep for a few minutes and wakes up a few minutes later and then she's looking at me.

"You never did say what the deal was with the kid's name."

It's out before I even know what I'm asking. Then again, it's been bugging me all fucking day, that kid's name. It's hard to stay quiet for that long. Fuck, I don't even know why I asked it and I didn't expect her to say shit all about it anyway but I can't sleep and neither can she. We can sit here and not talk, trying'ta watch the fucking TV, or we can talk.

"Christopher D'Angelo is Tony D'Angelo's father. I guess once he knew that Tony had a son, he insisted on the name Chris. I wasn't exactly asked how I felt about it."

She goes quiet after like maybe she didn't expect to be talking out loud either.

In my head, one question led to the next. "Were you with him when you had Matty?"

I still don't know why the fuck I couldn't just leave the questions in my head. Not that it'd give me any peace there either but I don't fucking need to know this shit. Knowing it is a problem. Trouble. I know that but I'm still asking.

I get that she's probably wondering the same thing. Wary, like she's not sure why I want to know. I don't even know why the fuck I want to know. It could just be us passing the time but neither of us is stupid enough to believe that shit.

"No."

Just like that, flat. Why the fuck would she want to talk about it, right? Except she does or she woulda just kept on saying nothing like she has all this time. I go back to watching TV. Antelopes and lions. Those antelopes aren't nearly as interesting as the rabbits. Those little fuckers had balls.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I left."

I was kinda surprised that she kept talking. She's not happy about it. Holding Matty tight as he sleeps, like she's worried he's gonna go somewhere.

"Hard thing to do, just leave like that."

What the fuck do I know, right? I never been anywhere, except where someone sent me. Seemed like the right thing to say.

If she could have slapped me right then I think she would have. Touchy subject. Being tied up makes her have to think hard about what she's gonna say. Or even if she should say it.

"Harder to stay."

I guess so. I'm not a broad so what do I know about it. I don't say nothing and neither does she for a while and again I figured she was done but she wasn't. Just needed time to think about it. About what to say.

"I was never anything to Tony. Just some girl he went to bed with. I thought it was more at the time but it wasn't. It shouldn't have happened at all."

She's holding Matty again, whispering in case she's worried he might hear her.

"You two weren't?-"

Now I'm whispering too. We're like a pair of fucking kids, telling stories. Guess the kid don't need to hear that shit, that he was an accident. She looks at me like I'm stupid for a split second before she closes her eyes. Probably rethinking what she was gonna say.

"I'm too old to believe in fairy tales."

From the sound of her, I'm guessing that wasn't always the case. It's a hard thing when reality kicks you in the balls. All of us, all the Knockaround guys, we've been there. Got that fairy tale shit fed to us with a spoon. Brought up on all these stories about the old days, about the shit our fathers did.

Then we got to see what it really was. Saw it too fucking late for guys like Scarpa and Marbles. Even Matty saw it too fucking late. Still at the end he's trying to talk through shit and negotiate. There's no honor, no nothing. Just the roof, the river and the revolver. We all got our own fucking fairy tales.

"That's the fucking truth."

She's quiet again for a bit, eyes closed, and I almost think she's gone to sleep.

"Rumors got around pretty quickly and somehow Tony's father found out that I was having a boy, a son. I was long gone by then but somehow they still found out."

I knew how that shit worked. Everybody fucking talks. Even me and Rita, we're not supposed to be talking but here we are, fucking talking. It's like we can't help it. Social animals.

Around made guys, there's even more talk. Some fuck's always eager to prove he knows something, so he drops whatever shit he can if he thinks it'll bump him up the ladder a little. Somebody that knew somebody that seen somebody passed on the news about Rita hoping it would get them a seat at the table. So I know how that went down.

"I never wanted that. I was a stupid kid and fell for the fairy tale at first but I never wanted the rest of it. The -"

She cuts herself off, fear in her eyes as she looks at me. The rest of it. Yeah, I know what that shit is too. I'm the rest of it. There's the fairy tale and then there's me, so I get it.

"You've been running this whole time?" I admit that I'm impressed by that.

A nod. Hard fucking life, running from the mob. Especially if you've got something they want. Just like that I'm thinking of those fucking rabbits again.

I was about to hand her over to a wolf. Just fucking hand her over. Fuck. I didn't want to talk anymore. Didn't want to think about it any more. Just wanted this shit done.

"Quiet. No more talking."

Who the fuck was I kidding?

Copyright © January 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	9. Chapter 9

Bliss: guys are funny that way and it's easier to tell her to be quiet than having to process what he doesn't really want to deal with at the moment. Taylor and Matty watching the animal shows was a big thing here (and I do love a Watership Down reference whenever I can squeeze one in!) Nervous, yes, and you can't blame but she's had her own scary stuff to deal with so she's not frozen with fear at least. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Drive 9**

I don't know how the fuck we managed it but we both slept. Sort of anyway. Every couple of hours I'd still get up out of a cold sleep and look around, make sure nobody'd come through the fucking door in the night to whack me.

The broad tossed around a bit, making sure her kid was still there. Probably making sure I wasn't about to attack her in her sleep either. She's out cold by morning. Still has that little line between her eyes like even in her sleep she's ready to fight. The kid's out cold too. Must be good to be a kid. Not like he's got nothing on his plate but sleepin's still safe for him.

Don't have the luxury of a shower. It'd make too much noise and I like the peace. Once I'm in there, I gotta worry about the two of them, what they'd do once they woke up.

Water's fucking cold anyway. I could stand here for an hour and it'd still be fucking cold. No broad is gonna stand for an ice cold shower and there's no way she's gonna let the kid take one. Can't even get the soap to lather it's that bad.

Fuck, listen to me bitching like an old woman. Like one of Teddy's cronies whining that the booze was wrong or the steak was cold. I've never really lived comfortable, even when I had the money to do it. It's like that shit doesn't even touch me, like it's happening to somebody else. Some shit though is starting to get to me. Must be getting old. Just small shit that I never thought'd bother me like not having hot water. Breakfast'd be nice too.

Fill up the sink with cold water and hold my face under there until I wake up enough to stop whining about shit. Good to get clear.

Start thinking shit through. A few hours of sleep every night and it takes a week to get to Vegas. That's six days now, if nothing goes wrong. I could shave some of that time. Lots of coffee, pick up some uppers and I can drive straight through a couple of those days. At least. Wouldn't be the first time I done that. At least get us right the fuck off the east coast. Where I'm not always feeling that fuck Teddy's eyes on me.

That I can get behind. It was a mistake talking to the broad last night, even if I learned a few things. Like having an idea what I'm walking into when I get her where she's going.

It wasn't what she said but what she didn't. Probably shit she has no fucking idea about. A made guy having to call in help to get his kid back? His woman back? No fucking way that's good news for me when I get there.

D'Angelo is gonna want that to go away quick so his guys won't be busting his balls about it. To his face, behind his back. Doesn't matter. It's a lack of respect and he's gonna have to get that back somehow or his guys won't listen to him no more. Can't cap another made guy without a war but I'm no made guy, just a soldier. Expendable.

That's why Teddy sent me. Took me fucking long enough to figure that out but it's not really a surprise.

Send her back by plane and not only is there a public record of her, there's one of me too. Kinda makes it hard to make me disappear after.

"Fuck me."

If I don't turn her over, I get hunted down like a fucking dog. Just like that I'm thinking about rabbits again. How fucked is that?

There's no sound but the water dripping back into the sink and even that stops when I dry off. No sound at all from out in the room and I got nothing to do but think.

I'm fucked. I knew it from the moment this shit came down but it's starting to dawn on me just how fucked I am. I needed time and quiet to think shit through.

When I get back in the room, Rita's trying to sit up. A little hard the way she's tied but she's trying anyway. The more she struggles the more agitated the kid's getting.

For once I decide to use my head. "Him first, then you," I says as I untie the kid, taking him by the hand and helping him off the bed. Rita's panicking again, begging me without saying a fucking word. For all she knows I could just walk right out of there with the kid and leave her tied up to the radiator. Some fucks'd do that. It'd probably be easier for me.

"Nobody's getting hurt here this morning," I says, thinking about how she ripped the fuck out of my arm yesterday. "Let's just get this shit done, lady, and leave the fight for another day."

For a second she nearly smiles but it doesn't last, like she didn't expect it. Sure as fuck didn't like it. For the moment, we'd called a truce. No fucking promises, just a break for a bit.

The kid gets past me and half runs to the bathroom, closing the door at his back. Guess I'd rather he left it open but habits are hard to break.

"This is hard on him," I says.

Rita looks at me like she's looking for the catch, the angle, wondering where the fuck I'm going. Fuck, I don't really know where I'm going either, I just want some peace and quiet so's I can think.

"Yeah."

"Look, I don't like this shit either, lady, but us screaming and fighting and shit can't be good for anybody." I feel like a fucking idiot.

"No, it's not good." She's agreeing, still wondering what I'm getting at. Drops her head for a second and I know she's tearing up. Fighting it.

"So, we get into the van, pick up some shit for breakfast. No fighting. Let's just get this shit done."

The hard look is back in her eyes, like she's ready to say fuck it and fight anyway but what the fuck is she gonna do when I still got the kid and she's got nothing? Her eyes cut to the bathroom door as the kid turns the tap on. Almost done, almost out. "Fuck."

"We're probably both fucked but let's just get through this fucking day, okay?" Even if we can get past a few hours, it'll do.

The door's opening but Rita shoots me a quick nod before Matty comes out. Hates herself for agreeing. She looks like she's gonna cry again but doesn't. Gotta be a hard thing, to agree not to fight when everything is telling you to fight. It doesn't mean it'll hold forever and she'll probably be trying to gouge my eyes out before noon but for the moment we're agreeing.

For the sake of the kid. That'd be fucking hilarious but the only guys I know that'd laugh with me about it are dead. That's a shot of cold water over it.

Matty scrambles up on the bed next to his mother and only then do I undo her hands. Still being careful. Just cus she says she won't doesn't mean she won't.

Matty's watching me from across the room as Rita makes for the bathroom reluctantly. Fearless little bastard now, glaring back at me and I know that if I made a move at his mother, he'd be on me again.

I have no fucking idea what to say to the kid. No experience, right? So we just watch each other as his mother gets cleaned up.

The motel bathroom had some shit in there. Toothpaste in the little fucking tubes, soap, shampoo and shit, but I'm gonna have to come up with something better. We're not gonna stop at another motel for another day or so and there's fuck all in the van.

No way that's gonna fly, not for anybody.

I'm still blocking the door before we leave. I gotta make it clear how it will go down. What'll happen. Offer some sort of reward for shit going right. That's always the way it goes, some sort a balance.

Beat on a guy all fucking night but do you know what really gets a guy to open his fucking mouth or pay up? It's not the pain, it's the promise. Even when they don't sound like promises.

Talk and I'll see that Teddy or whoever takes it easy on you.

Pay and maybe you'll still be able to walk when I'm done.

Give me what I want and just maybe I make it fast.

So I promise.

"Same as last night, we all get into the van, quiet. If you're quiet and don't give me no fucking trouble, you can sit up in the back seat 'stead'a tied down on the floor. I'll have to keep your hands tied until I get some shit taken care of but if you don't cause shit for me, I'll untie you after."

Not exactly a trip to fucking Disneyland but in the circumstances, not the worst thing I could'a said. Or done.

The kid's pulling at his mom's hand. Bored outta his fucking mind yesterday, stuck in the very back of the van with fuck all to do and nothing to look at. She's running it through. Seen that look more than I can remember. Looking for angles, for bullshit. No way to know either way. At the end I think she just needed a break too.

"Fine."

Right then I know it's not done. Anytime a broad says that, it sure as fuck isn't fine. She's gonna find a way to make me pay for it later on. Not like she's got a lot to bargain with. I need the fucking break too, even if it's just for a little while.

The door's open and we're out and I'm eyeballing her the whole way, her and the kid both. It goes smooth, not a word. So far we're not fighting and the kid actually starts to look relieved.

I got him in the middle of the back seat and her against the window farthest away from me back there. Hands tied in front, at the wrist. She struggled a little when I started but one look at the floor in the back of the van was enough to put an end to it.

Just like that, we're on the road again and it almost feels normal, like we all decided to go out on some fucking drive in the country. They're both quiet back there. Rita's looking out the window. I might'a worried about it if I thought anyone could see through the tinted glass. Looks like she's trying not to cry again. She's not, but it's close, doesn't want the kid to know so she's looking out the window.

Kid's quiet for a long time. Can't stay that way for long though. Too much to see. He's looking out the window at all the shit going by.

We're in the real country now. Lots a shit for a kid to look at. I slow down to a crawl as we pass a field of horses running around. I never gave a shit about horses, that was always Chris' thing but Matty's leaning over in the seat as far as he can go, looking out the window.

When I look back there again, Rita's watching me carefully in the rearview and then she's looking out the window. What, like I can't do some small fucking thing for a kid?

Anyway, it's quiet for a good half hour and the weight's coming off me. I'm heading for the place Teddy's circled on the map. Another fucking gas station, go figure. That guy has no imagination.

Don't need to say shit to either one of them when we get there, just a look's enough. That and we're pulled around back so nobody's gonna see nothing. If Teddy's got ties to this place, nobody's gonna say nothing either.

Like the last place there's a guy up at the counter that's on the phone the second I pull in. Calling somebody back east to let Teddy know I showed up. I point at my watch and then hold up my hands. Ten minutes.

Copyright © January 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	10. Chapter 10

**Bliss:** It's so funny how hw knows them and doesn't at the same time :D

* * *

**Drive 10**

Ten fucking minutes.

That's all it was, just ten fucking minutes. It's not like I never made Teddy wait for me neither. Fuck, I put him off longer on the day this shit all went down.

Right beside the gas station there's this drug store so I'm in there walking around, throwing shit into a basket. Not really thinking about it, just trying'ta make it quick. Some hair shit, toothpaste, pack of toothbrushes. Some clean shirts and socks, that kind of shit. It's not like we can all stop and do laundry or anything.

I'm in and out of there in just over five minutes. I know because I was looking. Back to the gas station. Didn't even take the time to stop at the van to drop the shit off.

Ten fucking minutes and Teddy's bitching about being on hold with the moron at the counter. Got a point there.

"You're late, Taylor."

Teddy don't really scare me when he starts talking like that, cold and controlled, but I know it's good at scaring the shit out of most people he talks to. Like it's taking everything in him not to scream at me.

Don't succeed. Fucking losing it. He's always had that in him. Just a matter of time till he snapped. I seen him go off on people for a fuck of a lot less than making him wait for a phone call.

Then again, it wouldn't'a mattered much what it was. This thing between us has been a long time coming. I've never been Teddy's guy and he knows it. Sure, I handle shit for Teddy but Teddy's never been Benny, never commanded that respect, and he knows it. Never trusted me, not after Benny was gone.

I don't say a fucking thing. I don't get paid to argue with Teddy. The guy behind the counter can hear Teddy screaming and he's white as a ghost, scrambling to get out from behind the counter. I block him in and watch as his hands go up, where I can see them. Wouldn't put it past any'a Teddy's guys to try to make bones by getting a shot off at me.

Tension's so fucking jacked up. Like a firefight it all goes clear in my head. Calm. Teddy's still screaming and I hold the phone off my ear. Look out the window.

Deep fucking breath.

"It was ten fucking minutes, Teddy."

On the other side of the line, Teddy stops screaming about what he's going to do to me. Just a second like I caught him off guard.

"You fuck! You listen to me, Taylor! I own you…"

I let him drift again, hearing everything but it don't touch me. Waiting.

"You sent me out with nothing. Ten minutes. Ten minutes to stop and pick up some shit at the store to make the rest of the trip bearable."

He's not hearing me either, still fucking yelling, but I get it out anyway. I don't give a shit anymore, not about what he says. Only about what he does and that's what I'm listening for.

Appears that on top of the ten minutes I made him wait, I was already late. A look at my watch. Maybe a half an hour. The horses. Not about to fucking say that out loud, that I slowed down so the kid could look at some horses. So fucking what, I'm here now right?

It's never been about the time and it isn't about the time now. He's looking for anything, any fucking reason to fuck me.

Knowing that makes decisions easier. Clearer. I still need time, so I'm stalling.

"Look, I'm here now, checking in -"

"It was a mistake to send you out alone on this. I can see that now."

All'a sudden he's not screaming no more. Nothing new for him. Teddy can go from a screaming fit to calm in a second flat. Usually right before he whacks a guy. So it don't mean he's calmed down. Teddy don't get over shit.

I'm listening to every single word. This is where it always goes bad. Where I really know instead'a playing guesswork.

"…Arms made it clear that you couldn't really be trusted with something like this. Not to let you do this on your own. I told him, 'No, Taylor's reliable, he'll get the job done…'"

I know that's fucking bullshit but Teddy likes to hang that shit over a guy. That on top of everything else, you let him down. When you're life's in the balance, you'd be amazed how many guys'd get fucked up over that. In no time they're begging Teddy. Begging to do better. Don't mean shit cus Teddy's already made up his mind about it and they're fucking dead no matter what they say. So yeah, I don't fucking buy it.

I could tell him anything, tell him everything he wants to hear. It don't matter. Teddy'll just keep talking cus he's got all this worked out in his head already.

Fuck me, and people give me shit about that fucking "500″ speech.

Don't get me wrong, I'm listening to every fucking thing that's coming out of him. Teddy talks a fuck of a lot and he always drops shit and tells people what the fuck he's gonna do. Most people are so busy trying to tell him what he wants to hear that I don't think they're listening, but I'm listening.

"…It's not too late to keep this from being a complete and total fiasco. I'll have Arms send out one of his best guys to help you out with the woman. To speed this whole thing up. That way you can get back here sooner."

I'm fucked.

Squeezing the phone so tight it just might break. There's not a fucking thing I can say to change his mind. If Teddy's saying it now it's cus he's already done it. He isn't going to fuck around, wasting time sending someone out. Someone's been out there all along, waiting for the fucking call.

"You'll meet up with him in Montana, Taylor. I'll arrange for a small plane to bring you back here."

No fucking way Teddy's gonna put out for a fucking plane to come get me. If I was in the city I'd be dead within the hour. Out here I got a bit of room, depending on how close Teddy's guy is and how I play it out. Right now, I gotta play stupid.

"Where exactly you want me to meet the guy?"

"Wibaux. It's on the map but I'm pretty sure you know how to get there, Taylor. I'll have him meet you there…"

I swear I don't hear another fucking thing he says. Nothing but fucking white as my skin goes cold. I don't discount Teddy, not for a second but what's really got me fucked up is that fucking town. Wibaux. Fuck's done it on purpose too. Would'a been just as easy to have us drive through the southern states. Wouldn't'a made no fucking difference. Teddy fucking _wanted_ me having to go through Wibaux.

That's where all this shit started, where he really started ripping apart Benny Chains' crew. It all went fucking downhill from there and that's where the fuck wants to finish it. Teddy's finally quiet on the other side of the line. Waiting. He's set this whole fucking thing in motion and now he wants to listen as I blow it.

So I don't.

"We're driving all night so I can be there at-" I make a play at looking at my watch before I answer. "Around four in the morning tomorrow. S'at fine?"

"Just make sure you're on time, Taylor."

Fuck hangs up but he might as well have said 'or else'.

Back to fucking Wibaux, Montana. I swore I'd never go back. Fuck me.

Copyright © February 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	11. Chapter 11

Bliss: Teddy sent him off with nothing to be a pain in the ass, and also because he doesn't care whether Taylor is comfortable or not. Teddy has other plans. Cue scary music :D

* * *

**Drive 11**

The 94 runs in a straight fucking line all the way across North Dakota. And I mean a straight fucking line. Don't even need to look down at the map, just keep driving.

We stop every few hours. Everybody gets out of the van and it's the same, every fucking time. Drink some coffee, take a piss. Stretch, get back in the van. Start out again. The road gets counted off in towns we pass, not miles.

There's no horses here, nothing to look at. Unless you like miles and miles of nothing. For a while the kid looks out the window but what the fuck is there to look at? The kid's bored outta his mind and I don't blame him.

At the next place we stopped I made Rita help me put the seat down in the back. I kept her wrists strapped but left the kid's off. Every place we stop she's still looking around to see what her best chances are for making a break for it but there's nowhere to fucking go anyway. Been a half hour since we even seen another car and that was a salt truck. No snow yet but it's fucking cold.

The kid was out the minute he laid down. Better to sleep.

She's fighting it but falls asleep anyway. No fucking way she can be comfortable back there. Know what that's like. She don't _want_ to be comfortable. Fighting it the whole way, her head against the window so she can feel every bump. Wakes up and looks for the kid first and then she's looking out the window, trying to figure out where she is. How far we got to go and what the odds are for getting loose.

Not much chance there. Nothing but fucking gas stations anyway. Gas stations and open road, that's it. But she's always looking, don't give up, just not fighting for the moment.

All this quiet and I'm back to thinking again and don't even try to fight it this time. Shutting out's what's got me into this fucking mess. Shutting out all the shit I should'a been paying attention to all these years. I know that now. Probably always knew it but what the fuck was I gonna do about it? When Matty was still around I wanted to change it, for a while anyway. Once he was gone I went right back to not fucking thinking. Shut off and do the fucking job.

So I'm thinking.

Teddy's gonna fuck me when we get to Wibaux. Don't gotta be too smart to figure that out but I got one thing going for me. Teddy don't think I'm that smart. Known me since I was a kid and I always did what I was told whether it was carting shit off a truck or beating some guy to death.

Other than that one time when I took a bullet for Matty, I always did it and didn't think too much about it, so Teddy don't think nothing's gonna change this time around. That's my edge in this fucking mess, that he thinks I'm too stupid to do anything different.

So I gotta do shit differently this time and I got nothing but time to think about it. The broad knows something's up. She keeps looking at me hard, like if she looks hard enough she can figure it out. Don't ask but she's watching and at every stop we make I can see her sharpen up. Nobody's saying nothing and we always take it back a notch when we stop. For the kid.

All fucking day we drive like that, saying maybe a dozen words to each other, if that. It gets dark and that's easier. The kid's been fed and Rita finally falls asleep for real this time. A couple a hours from the Montana border we stop again for the last time in North Dakota.

Leaving the kid sleeping on the seat, I pulled Rita outside. She didn't like it, shooting scared looks between me and the van like she isn't sure I won't just leave her on the side of the fucking road and drive off with her kid.

Before she can get a word out I cut the strap on her wrists, keeping a hold of her the whole fucking time. It's dark, even if there was anyone out here, there's nobody to see it anyway. It doesn't make her feel any safer. She still has no fucking idea what's going on, just that it can't be any good.

"Quiet," I get out before she can say anything.

One quick look at the van and she closes her mouth again, looking scared. Shaking and getting ready to fight except she's too fucking cold. Keeps looking at the van and won't let me pull her away. If we was inside, she'd be fighting to get out. 'Course, then she knew where the kid was and knew he'd be going with her if she ran.

When I got out of the van I swear I knew what the fuck I was gonna say to her but the longer I stand out in the fucking cold, the less sure I am. She was anybody else and I just cut her ties she'd be struggling to get loose, to run. But I got the one thing that'll keep her here in the van and she's all ripped up. Scared to stay and even more scared to leave.

For a second it pisses me off 'cus this should be easier. If she was guy it'd be easier. Just like that I'm back to being around six years old when I got lost in the store. My mother was pissed when she saw me sitting on the bench at the front of the store but she was afraid too. And now I'm seeing that in Rita, that same fucking fear, not for herself but for her kid. For Matty.

I was gonna get out of the van, out of earshot of her kid, and tell her the way it was. What we was facing, just lay it out. That's harder now cus I keep looking into my mother's face and it's clouding shit. I never wanted to hurt my mother, to disappoint her, and while she was alive I kept as much of it from her as I could.

"I'll keep this strap off from here on in but I don't need shit from you, lady."

I know I should be telling her why but fuck me, I can't look in that face and dump this shit on her. Like I couldn't say it to my own mother. But I need her to go along so I'm not wondering what the fuck she's gonna do.

She don't quite believe me, looking for angles. Standing completely still and not pulling away.

"What's going on?"

She's not stupid. Probably never been stupid, but the shit going down just sharpens her and I gotta juggle what the fuck I say to her. I pull her around until her back is against the van. Get in close. Anybody else and that'd scare the fuck out of them and they'd go quiet, listening to everything I say. Do everything I say.

"Are they going to hurt my son?"

Her voice is rising and she struggles with me, grabbing my shirt. What, like she's gonna throw me around? No fucking way, but I go anyway.

"There's gonna be trouble. If I gotta worry about what the fuck you're gonna do, I can't watch out for you both."

She looks confused like she's not quite sure what I just said. Drops her hands offa my shirt and turns to walk away but I got my arm up, stopping her.

"When it happens-"

"What happens?"

"When. It. Happens," I'm fucking repeating it slow and I hate that I sound like Teddy doing it but she gotta fucking get it. "You stay with Matty and stay near the van no matter what else is going on."

She's still fucking scared, even more so cus she don't know what's going on but she don't let on. Chin up, hands in fists, defiant. "Fine."

She pushes past my arm, turns her back on me and walks back to the van, getting in quietly so she don't wake the kid. _Fine._ Second fucking time I've got that and it don't make me feel any easier the second time around. She's not going to listen. She's going to see what happens when it happens and she'll act then. The only things she's gonna think of is her and the kid and nothing else. I'm nodding even as she closes the door cus I know all about that, about deciding shit when the moment comes.

I'm standing out in the road freezing my fucking ass off and I'm thinking I never should a cut her ties. That I should a kept her strapped in the back of the van but if it all goes sideways I'm gonna need her help. Or at least need her hands free to get the kid out if it comes down to that.

For the kid. I barely know this fucking kid and I'm thinking about stopping whatever's gonna happen to him. Like Matty, taking that fucking bullet for him and I gotta wonder how far I'd go to save the kid.

The sky's clear. Full of stars. I pick out a few and know I'm getting the names wrong but it's close enough. Everybody's quiet when I get back in the van. In a couple a hours I'll be back in fucking Wibaux.

Copyright © March 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	12. Chapter 12

**Bliss**: Teddy hasn't had to do some of the things to stay alive that Taylor has and so Teddy will never have that same edge. Playing dumb? Yep, he can do that. As for Rita and the kid, only time will tell :) Thanks for reading!

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**Drive 12**

Place hasn't fucking changed at all. I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't exactly expecting that everything would look the fucking same as it did the first time. I got the cold sweats and let go of the wheel, wiping my hands on my legs. All the shit I seen and this fucking place scares the shit out of me. How's that for fucked up?

Everybody's awake and nobody's saying shit, like they know something's gonna happen. It is, just a matter of where and when and how fucking bad it'll end up.

I'm stopped at the light even though it's like four in the fucking morning and there's no one around. Always a fucking cop hiding behind a billboard in these little towns and the last thing I need is some hick cop. The last time didn't go so good as I remember.

I'll never forget that, not as long as I fucking live. Seen a lot of shit, seen a lot a guys get beat down but there was nothing like that ever. To stand back and watch as that fuck beat Matty and not be able to do a damned thing.

This time it would be the woman and the kid and I don't think that'd be any easier to take, even if I hardly know them.

So I'm idling here waiting for the light to change and watching out for anything off. New York stands out here so it don't take too long. A couple'a blocks over and I spot it outside an all night diner. A black sedan that no guy in the country'd be caught dead in parked outside. Three guys in suits sitting by the window. I'm moving and can't get a decent look and there's no way I'm stopping.

A couple a years ago I wouldn't'a thought twice about it, about pulling in beside that black car and dealing with shit. I slow down just enough to make sure they seen me and then I'm driving past, hoping like fuck that I'm doing the right thing.

It don't take long.

A couple more streets and the sedan's behind me. Lights off. Stupid. What, like I'm not gonna see them or some shit? I just hope there's no cops around cus there's no way this is gonna look right and we'll all end up getting pinched. Who knows what the fuck would happen then.

We're heading back out to the edge of town and I'm looking to pick a spot. The one thing I got going for me is that I been here before. Got the feel of the place in me and I'm turning down one street and then the next almost like I don't got to think about it. Then I'm there and my fucking skin goes cold when I see it. I fucking swear I didn't plan it.

If they never seen the place before, it's a barn. Dark, no lights except the ones from the street. I pull in, taking a wide circle and pointing the nose of the van up to the street so I can get back out again if I have to without fucking around, backing up. Those fucks pull in front of me, blocking the way out.

In the quiet I can hear Rita in the back, breathing fast. Kid's scared too, nearly in his mother's lap and holding her tight even if he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Bad is bad and nobody has to say what it is. Most people would have the good fucking sense to get out of the way when the bad shit happens but here I am, right in the fucking middle of it like I never been anywhere else.

"Stay in the van. Stay quiet." I'm talking without turning around cus I know that if I look at her, if I look at that scared kid, that I might not be able to keep it cold enough to do what I got to do.

"What if y-"

"Don't, lady. Just fucking don't." I got no time to answer anything she's got to say. I need her to listen and that's that. "Just do as you're told."

I'm not about to say it'll all be okay or some shit cus there's no way I believe that so I'm not gonna convince anybody. She's quiet.

Standard equipment. 9mm strapped under the seat. I leave the keys in the ignition when I get out, tucking that nine in place at the small of my back. It don't make me feel any better. What, one gun against the three guys are in that sedan? No fucking way. Still, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it. It's all I've got and they know I got it anyway, they put it under the seat in the first place in case I needed it.

I still got the door open, standing behind it as the guys get out of the car. Two guys. There's another guy in the back seat but he's not getting out.

The two guys are Arms and Arm's guy from the warehouse. I suppose I should be flattered, Teddy pulling out heavy hitters like these two fucks to come out after me. Fuck me, Arms probably asked for it for all I know.

There's no light, nothing but the fucking stars to see who's still in the back seat but from the tightening in my gut, I know who it is and I'm not surprised.

Teddy. No surprise that he'd want to come out here personally and see this shit done. He's staying in the car and I won't see him until the other two guys got me down. Teddy likes to get his hands dirty, don't get me wrong, but not that dirty. When it comes times to finish me off, he's who's gonna do it.

In a way that gives me an edge cus it means those other two fucks aren't gonna kill me right off. Not until they got what they want and not until Teddy gives them the nod.

I play it like there's nothing wrong, like this is a standard meet. I got Arms in front of me, just on the left, and the other fuck's moving along the side of the car, to the right. I don't gotta turn to know where he is; I can hear him good enough. Gravel driveway helps. Still, I don't like him getting any closer to the van but there's fuck all I can do about it now.

"We supposed to take the broad and the kid with us, Taylor."

Arms is brushing some shit off his suit from leaning against the side of the car. All those fucks are like women when it comes to their clothes. Fucking hate getting dirt on them. I'm watching his hands as he comes across the driveway towards me and listening for his guy off to the right.

That and waiting for that fucking car door to open.

Nothing new, waiting for everything to happen at once and knowing there's fuck all I can do about it until it starts to happen. It'll just happen.

"So you said. How you want to do this?" I guess that could mean anything but I don't really give a fuck how Arms takes it. I'm still listening to Arm's guy as he walks by some bushes towards the van. Hoping like fuck that Rita don't do nothing stupid.

Arms smiles at me like a fucking shark cus he knows how he wants to do this. Whether he gets to is another fucking thing. They probably spent the whole flight out here laughing about it, about what the fuck was gonna happen.

There's a scuffle back by the van and I got to fight to keep perfectly still like all this shit is normal. I'm calculating odds, knowing that they won't hurt the kid. After spending all this time listening to Rita for so long I got my doubts about her. Can't think about that right now cus I know it'll show and that Arms'll pick up on that and probably make a point of hurting her.

Off to the right, Arm's guy's got the van door open and is dragging Rita and the kid out but she's not making it any easier on him than she did on me. It makes my gut knot up cus I know I wouldn't hit her but there's no telling what these fucks will do. Still, it keeps his hands full and I don't got to worry about him so much yet.

"Gino'll take the van out. You get in the car with us."

Arms is standing back out of the way like I'm gonna just walk past him and get into the back seat of the car. Things go the way they always go and Arm's guy will take the van out and torch it. Then they'll stop somewhere along the road where my body isn't going to show up anytime soon and do me. Maybe Rita too, I don't know.

I do know that Arms is expecting it and that all of this is playing out the way it's always played out. They all done this shit so many times. Hell, I done this same fucking thing. It gets to be a fucking habit, a routine, like that fucking speech I'm always giving out.

So I don't say fuck all and when I pass alongside Arms, I don't even bother going for my gun. I don't have the time and if I reach for it, Arms is gonna blow my fucking brains out all over the gravel and I won't be no good to nobody.

The air goes outta him as I hit him low, spinning and throwing him against the back a the car. His face is all red and he's spluttering and swearing and shit. Trying to reach for his gun but his jacket keeps getting in the way. There's yelling on the other side of the car where the fuck's got Rita and the kid but I can't listen to it right now.

Arms is one scary fuck, dangerous. Maybe even as dangerous as Teddy. But he's also lived soft for a long fucking time. What, with his suits and whores, his team of guys that do mosta the dirty shit for him. Stuff I'm doing now and done all my fucking life.

That speech thing? That's all fucking show. Scare the shit out of people and maybe it don't even come to a fight.

A quick shot to the throat and Arms isn't smirking no more. Both his hands come up to claw at his throat, trying to get a breath for all the fucking good it'll do him. I got him pinned against the back of the car and hit him again and again. Going for all the soft spots and fucking him up inside. Even if he's lucky enough that I don't kill him right here and now, he isn't gonna walk away from this beating. Not way the fuck out here in the middle of nowhere where nobody knows where, or who, he is.

Rita's screaming, fighting and swearing. It's almost fucking regret I feel when I hear her get hit. I know why the guy did it and fuck knows I wanted to do it a few times myself. Can't think about it.

The car door's opening and I don't have the luxury of thinking about nothing else.

Except I am.

I'm thinking about that stupid little fuck Marbles. Too fucking stupid to get in out of the rain, shot and left for dead not far from where I'm standing now. I'm thinking a Scarpa.

Arms is on the ground, clawing at his throat and not worrying no more about all the shit on his suit. Dirt and blood but I know the internal bleeding's a fuck of a lot worse. I could just leave him where he fell and walk away but guys'll surprise the fuck out of you sometimes, coming back to shoot you when you think they're fucking dead.

Don't take much to finish Arms off. A dirty shot that fucks up all the stuff in his neck so's he can't breathe. Then I'm going for my gun and tracking Teddy as he gets outta the back seat.

"I just can't trust you with anything, Taylor-"

Don't even let him get started never mind finish. One shot in the chest. You want to know the fucking truth? I almost didn't expect him to go down, like that fuck would just keep coming, no matter how many times I shot him. Like something outta one of them horror movies, you know?

How long I been with that fuck Teddy? And there he is, scrabbling around on the ground, holding a hand over his chest, no different than any other fuck I whacked. Except that he's not like any other guy I killed.

I don't hear nothing else. I know, I'm always saying that I can shut a lot of that shit out no matter how loud it gets but this time it's real. It's solid. I don't hear nothing else like none of it exists but me and him in this fucking driveway.

Teddy's clawing his way back to the car and I know that if he gets there he's gonna shoot me but I can't seem to give a fuck. I think of Matty. Not here in Wibaux but when we was kids. Standing in that shitty little basement, where he got the nickname 'Dimes'.

Teddy takes another shot, in the upper leg this time and it makes him curl up into a ball, swearing and screaming. He's not getting a whole lot of words out and for a second I couldn't figure out why and then I realize that everything's slowed down for me.

So I can remember it.

I think of Matty again. In that barn not far from where we are. Where I decided to take that fucking bullet. I've already admitted that I fucking miss Matty some days and I'm guessing that's pretty obvious by now. Truth is, I fucking loved him, like a brother, like family, I loved him. He got shot and died on the floor of some crummy fucking bar cus'a this fuck right in front of me and I know sure as I stood there that if the choice had to be made, I would'a died for him then too if I had to. I would have fucking died for him if I could've and I wouldn't'a batted an eye at it.

"It don't gotta go down like this, Taylor!"

Arm's guy is edging towards the car. Fat fuck's got Rita by the hair, yanking her around like a rag doll. She's fighting him but there's not a fuck of a lot she can do. When they get to the car, he hits her again and she goes down but don't stay down. It don't matter cus now he's got the gun on the kid and it takes all the fight outta her.

I know I said that the kid was probably gonna be safe but a lot of shit can change when a guy thinks he's gonna die. Arm's guy is gonna die. I know it and he knows it. It's in his voice. Higher, a little shakier, and he's not sure of what he's saying no more. It'd be real easy for him to shoot the kid, even if he knows I'll kill him for it. Maybe just cus he knows I'd kill him for it.

I gone cold a lot of times in my life, when everything is so fucking clear, but it's been a long time. Last time was Matty, right before I took that bullet and I'm back in that moment again.

"You think you know how this is gonna go down?" I ask him, not dropping the gun offa him. Rita's begging me as much as she's begging him. Trying to tell Matty it's gonna be all right. It's not. It's not gonna be all right. Even somebody as fucked up as me knows that.

Guy's saying some shit, threatening the kid, threatening Rita. I hear it but it's like I don't, you know? Like it just goes right through me.

"You don't know shit. You hurt that kid, not only do you die, but I'll kill everybody you ever fucking knew. I kill your wife, I kill your whores. I kill your mother. I kill your kids. I kill your friends. I kill every fucking body you know."

I never done that. I know there's all sorts'a talk about a fucking code and shit. Most of it's bullshit but some of it isn't and some guys still live by that shit. I was one of them. No fucking way I'm gonna whack a guy's family, go after them like that. Never done that, but that's what's on the table now if this fat fuck hurts the kid. It'll be like he never existed cus I'll kill everybody that ever knew he was alive till there's nobody left.

He don't really believe me even if all the color's gone out of him. "You're not that kinda guy. That's just a threat."

"It's a promise."

Fuck knows exactly what I'm talking about. Knows the difference cus he's done the same thing. Making threats and promises to people he's fucked up. Whatever. Carefully, he lets go a the kid and just like that, Rita pulls Matty outta the way.

"Get in the van, don't turn around."

I don't know if Rita'll do it or if she'll just take the kid and run. I wouldn't blame her if she did after everything that's happened. I feel kinda hollow, empty.

"Tayl-"

I don't let him finish and put a bullet in his head. It's quiet. It's done.

The rest is automatic. Shit I've done for years and don't even got to think about no more. Drag the bodies across the road and into the ditch. Drive the car over and that goes into the ditch on top of them. The bodies are under the water but with the bullet holes there's nobody that's gonna believe they just went off the road. Nobody's gonna give a shit about some guys from out of town that ended up dead out here.

Rita screams and pulls Matty a little tighter when I open the door to the van. I didn't think she'd go back. Didn't even look to see if she'd gone, like maybe I wanted her to go and was giving her a chance, if she could.

"It's over now, okay."

The kid's crying, scared to death, and I don't know what the fuck to do or say to change that. All I got is Rita. "We gotta get the fuck out of here, but it's over now, okay?"

She don't say nothing but she's watching me and that's all the thanks she can give.

Copyright © 24 March 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	13. Chapter 13

**Zen007:** thanks for reading, Zen :) Yes, the story is completely written. I'm posting a chapter a week while writing something else :)

**Bliss: **the fight chapters always kill me! Rita's a civilian for lack of a better word. Even though she's gone through some hairy stuff before, this takes the cake and she's doing her best to hold it together. Thanks, as always, for reading and enjoying!

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**Drive 13**

All this shit's supposed to be confusing and I know a lot a guys that'd be on the fucking phone calling for help the minute shit went sideways. Or they'd be pulled off the side of the road, puking their fucking guts out. What does it say about me that I never been either one a them guys?

I always fucking knew. When it goes sideways, if I gotta call somebody, I call that one guy and nobody else and only when I got shit settled, so's I can say it's settled. The head guys don't want to deal with this little shit, that's what they got you for, so they don't got to fuck around with it.

I don't got nobody I gotta call no more. No fucking way I call any'a Teddy's guys to help clean this mess up. What, I'm gonna say, 'I whacked your fucking boss, now this is what I need you to do'?

I'm on my own and it's fucking funny but that's a relief not having to call in to any a these guys. Especially when that guy was Teddy. Not that I thought it was fucking great having to call in to Benny when shit was done neither but Benny was different.

It's gonna be light soon and I gotta get off the fucking road, go somewhere for a bit until I can get it sorted out. First things first. In the back, Rita's holding the kid, rocking him back and forth. He's not crying, not making a fucking sound, but holding onto his mother so hard his knuckles are white. Just like that I'm feeling guilty again.

"I'm gonna have to stop up here and change this shirt. You good?"

I got that fat fuck Arm's blood on me and my knuckles are chewed up a little. It's easier to explain my hands but the shirt's another matter. Nobody's gonna let that slide. There's a place to pull off the road just up ahead and I'm taking it, pulling up close to a building they got there. Bathrooms and shit I guess. Probably locked anyway so that's not going to do me no good.

Her eyes are like saucers as she looks back at me in the mirror. She's pale and there's a mark just under her jaw where that fuck hit her. I know from experience that it's not gonna be a mark that lasts, not even on her.

"I don't know what happens now."

It's like I'm not even here. Like she's talking to herself, trying to sort it out in her head. I got so used to her fighting me the whole fucking way that the sound of her all quiet makes me pay attention like I didn't before and it's giving me fucking goosebumps.

Tried to stay one step ahead all this time and now she don't know which way to jump. We're pulled off good, out of sight of the road and I get out and open the back of the van, looking for the shirts I bought earlier. She's turned to watch me, still not saying a fucking thing.

Blood's still wet so it's easy to clean up with some of the bottles of water and shit we got earlier. Knuckles aren't so bad once I got the blood off them. I guess Arms was even softer than I thought, the fuck. A quick look and I know I'm good, pulling on a clean shirt.

"You two need to get cleaned up?"

She's still watching me but it's like she don't see me, just fucking lost. When this shit started out I would'a loved for her to just be quiet and go along and now I'm just trying to get her to talk to me, how's that for fucked up. After what she seen, I know it's shock but we don't got the time for her to fall apart.

She don't move even as I jump into the back of the van. I get close but don't touch her in case she freaks out. "Rita," I'm saying again, trying to get her attention. Finally she looks at me like it's the first time she ever saw me. "I need you to hold it together."

Fucking understatement of the year. On my own I can handle all this shit. I done all of it so many fucking times I could do it in my sleep. Only thing's different is that now I gotta do it on the run. And I got two people to look out for.

She blinks at me and it's like she sees me again. "Are you going to hand us over now?"

Fuck me, I almost smiled at her. Not only talking finally but thinking, clear headed, wanting to know what the fuck's going on. Okay, so she never put it that way but she might as well've. Still, that question's hanging out there now. Am I gonna do it, hand her over. This whole fucking trip, that question's been there in the background, what do I do when that minute comes.

"No."

She closes her eyes and holds the kid. It's the first time in this whole fucking mess that I felt okay with what I was doing, like I was doing the right thing. I wasn't gonna sit back there and make her a bunch a promises about how shit would go, that everything would be okay. I couldn't pull it off and she's not stupid enough to believe it, even if she really needs to believe something.

"What do we do next?"

Gotta admit, it's hard not to admire that. She's a brave rabbit. Fucking scared to death and even after everything that's happened, she's gonna dust herself off and keep running if she has to. Just doesn't know where to run yet.

"First, you got any blood on you?" She's shaking her head and I take her word for it. I figure she'd know, right? "We gotta get rid of this van."

That's easy enough. I got money, all I need is something low key to drive in. Not worried so much about the van getting tracked as I am about how it looks. For what I got in mind, driving something that's gonna make me look like a fucking serial killer isn't go do me any good.

She's nodding. Putting it all together in her head. Kid hangs on to her a little tighter but she's pulling him back, making him sit up even if he don't want to.

"Mom…"

"You need to sit up, Matty, okay?"

It feels like a private conversation and I walk off a bit, take a piss off the roadside while I listen to make sure she don't just make a run for it. It's half-hearted. I don't think she's going nowhere. A few minutes later the kid comes out and stands beside me, pissing over the edge of the road. The john's locked up tight.

"I'll keep watch, you wanna go," I yell out to her.

She's making a point of looking away which is kind of hard to do when she's trying to watch the kid right beside me. Just like that, the kid's got his hand up waving to his mother like this is any other fucking day. Some little kid adventure. Back to pissing like it's nothing and I gotta look the other way to keep from smiling at the brave little fuck.

Rita don't go too far, just behind a box they use to store the garbage bins and she pops her head out. Keeping an eye on us I guess. When the kid's done, I watch as he runs back to the van but stay where I am so she don't get nervous. I got no idea what she said to the kid when she was in the van with him but whatever it is, the kid's cool with me now.

It's a little tense for a couple'a minutes when we all get back to the van cus she's not sure what the deal's gonna be. I don't say shit all, just get behind the wheel and wait for her to get in. The kid's back to looking out the window but she's watching me like she isn't quite sure what's happened. It don't take her long to sort her shit out.

"Do you know we're you're…where we're…going?"

Yeah, I know where we're going but I'm not gonna say all at once, at least until I got a few things squared away in case I gotta change plans. So she gets the short version.

"Wolf Point."

Never been there so what the fuck am I gonna say about it, right? To me it's just some fucking place on the map. I get a nod from the back seat. What's she gonna say about it? She don't know where we are either.

She's still tense like she don't know if she should shut up or not. Over the years I got so used to being kept in the dark and fed bullshit from the guys above me. Don't mean I took it easy, that not knowing what the fuck is going on, so I get where she's at. There's the kid too.

"We get something to eat and I gotta make a call. Get rid of the van, hole up for a bit and get some rest."

Never been big on telling nobody what I intended to do, it was always easier to keep them guessing. Even when I had to talk to the bosses, I only said what I had to, they never got everything. I'm still not telling her everything but she seems okay just knowing a little of what's going on. Like knowing the next step is enough to get her through. She's been on the run a long time, always trying to think one step ahead. Guess that's easier when you know what the fuck is going on.

"Mom…mom! Can I have pancakes?"

"Yeah, kid," I answer before she's gotta ask me. Kid wants pancakes, that's fine with me. For the moment, he seems happy.

It's quiet as we drive into Wolf Point. Just past sunrise. The place is so small that everything is on the main drive and I'm pulling into the backlot of another tiny motel, just before we drive out of the other side of the town.

Got the keys in my hand and the tension's thick enough to cut with a knife. The last time we did this, it was fucked up and I don't want to have to go through that shit again. Definitely don't want the kid to see it.

"Outside with me now."

Rita don't know what to do. Looks like she's gonna cry or fight and I'm betting on a fight. When she's standing outside the van outta earshot of the kid I lean in, pressing close against her. So's I don't gotta raise my voice and cus I know it'll scare the fuck outta her and make her listen. It's fucking funny but I don't really wanna scare her, you know? But I got to make sure she gets it, so's I don't have to yell and do some shit I don't want to do like tie them both up again.

"Don't make me regret what I'm gonna do."

Rita's scared and presses back against the van but she's not running. Just looks up at me, all defiant and shit like she'd fight me anyway, no matter what the fuck happened.

"Will you tell me what's going to happen? I need to know."

I hear that little extra on the 'need' bit even if she don't want to have it come out like that. She needs to know, and I get that.

"As soon as I know for sure. You'll know." Letting her go, I stand back a bit to give her space. "I gotta get us a room and make a call. Don't-"

"I won't."

Defiant again but she gets it, just walks back to the van. I got no idea how long that'll last or how real it is but I got the keys to the van and she's got nowhere to go. I wait until she's back in the van. Matty's waving at me through the window. I wave back at him, some underhanded shit, and then go to get a room and make a call.

Copyright © 16 April 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Zen007:** This story has been completed, as in fully written ahead of time. I'm posting a chapter a week while I fight with another chapter of something else :)

**Bliss:** Defiant is Rita's nature. She's had a hell of a shock, but it can't change her basic nature. She wants to protect her son, and part of protecting her son is seeing that he's not afraid. She may not fully trust Taylor, but I think she'd ask Matty to trust him, and put on a good face so that the kid would be okay.

**HR:** thanks so much for joining in and enjoying! I think Taylor would do 'rut' very well. It's something he's good at, something he's gone back to, but not the sum total of what he is. Getting away from everything has given him options :)

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* * *

Drive 14**

Just cus I said I don't got to call nobody anymore don't mean I don't got nobody to call if I need to. Right now I need to. Crossing the border never used to be a big deal. Still isn't most of the time, but Rita doesn't even have ID and that could jam us up if somebody decides they're gonna do their job that day. I don't expect nothing to happen but I didn't live this long by being stupid.

Calling in an old favor. A guy I know'll come through and not ask any questions. Once it's done I'll get rid of this number I've been carrying around forever and never even think of him again. Do I trust him? Fuck yeah.

Malone don't run with none of the guys I know, he's not family. In fact, if things had been different that day, he'd be dead and I wouldn't be standing here listening to the phone ring. A fucking accountant if you can believe that and he looks like one too, right down to the glasses. Guess even those fucks got their vices and Malone's was the ponies. He got in way over his fucking head and couldn't pay and Benny sent me round to scare the fuck out of him.

Don't ask me why the fuck it didn't go that way cus I don't really know. Maybe something he said, about wanting something different, and what he could offer. I remember telling Matty about it after and him telling me everything happened for a reason.

Fuck didn't have money then, the habit had got him pretty deep in, but I listened when he said that wouldn't always be the way shit would be. I'd heard that shit before from fucks that owed money, so I still don't know why the fuck I listened, but I did. Something about the way he said it.

He said that if I ever needed him, for anything, it didn't matter what, that he'd be there. He sat there in that chair in some fucking shithole of a warehouse, not like some guy getting worked over but like he was sitting in a fucking office somewhere, making plans or some shit. Whatever it is accountants do. Never met a clean one, so I don't know. Never thought about it until after, about the guts it took to do that, to sit there and actually make a fucking deal with me, knowing who I was.

Wanting something different. When he said that to me, wiping blood off his mouth like it was sauce or something, I thought of Matty. Of having a chance to get the fuck out before the life got us. That kind of shit takes money. Lot more than money. Maybe I don't need much but Matty would've. No way he'd live light, not after the way he was brought up.

I paid Benny outta my own money, feeling like a chump while I did it, like I just got took. Except I didn't think I got took.

Four rings and he's picking up.

"Malone."

"It's Reese."

Silence on the other side of the line. I kind of expected him to hang up but you wanna know the most fucked up thing? How fucking badly I didn't want him to. This guy I met once, to beat the fuck out of him till he paid up and I'm hoping, actually fucking hoping, that he don't hang up the phone.

"Hold on a moment, Mr. Reese. I'm in my office right now."

The line goes quiet but he hasn't put me on hold or nothing, just put the phone down. I can hear him close the door.

"I'm sorry about that, Mr. Reese. How can I help you today?"

Can you believe this fuck? I almost hung up myself. But I don't, because I need him. Fuck me.

"Calling in a favor, Malone."

I sure as fuck am not calling in for some sort of a tax consultation or whatever the fuck it is Malone does for a living.

"Yes, Mr. Reese, I'm as good as my word. How can I help you?"

It's fucking bizarre. You know the really fucked up thing? He sounds just the same as he did then, like nothing fazed him. I can't get the image of him in that chair, blood all over his shirt, out of my head. Fuck it, I don't really got anything to lose at this point and Malone sure as fuck isn't going to say shit to nobody. It's not his life and he probably don't want anyone knowing about the trouble he was in, or how he got out of it.

"I need a clean ID for a woman and a kid. And a car. Can you manage that?"

Might as well ask for the moon. There's some shuffling on the other side of the line but no clicks. If he's recording the conversation, he's not doing it off the line itself. Sounds like he's taking notes, like to bring home milk.

"Yes, I have the contacts to manage that. I'll need a few details from you first."

I still feel like I'm asking the fuck to do my taxes and he's going through my receipts or some shit. Instead, we're talking descriptions for an ID match and how he's gonna get the car out to me. Guy's so fucking clean cut it's weird to think of him as having connections to anything I'd need. Other than the ponies, Malone struck me as being squeaky clean but he's got ties someplace or he couldn't'a borrowed that kinda money from Chains in the first place. He's not on the mob's payroll, not like one a Benny's lawyers or nothing, but I guess the fuck's got something. Guys that want someone looking out for their books. Somebody that don't got their hand in the till. No fucking way to know now.

Keeping an eye on the van, I give the guy a phone number he can reach me. No fucking way I'm giving him an address right off the bat. Just cus I don't think the guy's a rat don't mean he's not so I'm watching my back. Healthy habit.

Still can't believe I'm doing this. Feels like grasping at straws but it's a chance I got to take. The longer we stay here the more I gotta worry about Teddy's guys finding out their boss got whacked. Then the war starts for his spot and for the contracts. Part of that is taking care of me, at least for the guys closest to him. To say nothing about that fuck Tony D'Angelo. Still, New York's closer than Vegas and that's the only edge I got, that D'Angelo won't know shit for a while cus'a Teddy being dead.

When I get back to the van, Rita and the kid are sitting in the open side door, just talking and watching me as I get closer.

"Mom? Is everything okay?"

She's watching me, trying to get a read on what's gonna happen next. Guess kids pick up on that shit.

"Everything's fine," I'm saying as I get close to them, but she still looks uneasy, watching me to see if I'm lying. "We got to wait for a bit. Breakfast?"

I'm asking the kid, who's already up on his feet pulling at his mother. I'm not going to make her promises I don't know how to keep. Fine is something I can manage but I gotta wait to see if Malone comes through before I can say anything else. I know she'd smell a lie, so I don't bother.

"Can I still have pancakes, Mom?"

I nod at her and point to get back in the van. Get us parked out of sight of the road and put everything in the motel room. This is where shit gets dicey. Every other time I've had to move them, nobody's been around, or nobody's been around that'd give a shit what happened. Now we're on foot, out in the open. No telling how it's gonna go.

Kid's sitting on the bottom step. Rita's standing right beside the door, arms crossed over her chest. I've seen that look before. Fucking stubborn but I don't want a fight and she don't want the kid to see us fight, which is why she's up here without him.

"We can help each other out."

Everybody's always trying to make a deal, get what works for them. I look her over and her eyes harden so I figure she's not looking to fuck to get what she wants. Didn't really strike me as that kinda broad but fuck, it's not like a broad's never tried that shit. If it works for them, who the fuck am I to blame them for it, right? But it's not where she's going. I lock the motel room door and drop the keys in my pocket, waiting for her to get on with it and say what she's gonna say.

"You need us. You need us to go along and not cause trouble while we're in public."

Got a point there and yeah, I been thinking the same thing. She'd fuck this whole thing up if she caused trouble. Then again, if I really thought she'd cause trouble, I'd'a handed her over or kept her tied up in the back of the van but I figure we both know that and she don't need reminding. Yet anyway. So I wait for her to make her offer.

"If we help you, it'll make it easier."

That's a big fucking if in there and there's a lot more that's she's not saying. Wants something from me but's too scared to come out and ask. I could say no and she's got nothing or I could say yes and she still don't know what she's got, cus she can't trust it. It's like me with Malone, asking and hoping. No way to know if it'll work out but there's hope, and she's hoping. Hanging everything on one thing that she isn't even sure of but it's all she's got.

"Easy enough to say it, lady. Everybody says they're gonna help. One thing to say it and something else to do it when the chips are down."

Her mouth thins out into a hard line, all fucking defiant again. Still, it beats her being scared I guess.

"You haven't told me shit all," she's saying, poking a finger into my chest as she does it. I let her. "But I need this. Damn it, I need _you_-"

That last hurt her, pissed her off a little too, and it takes her a minute to pull her shit together.

"We're not going back."

She's saying that like nobody's listening. Fucking determined. It's not just D'Angelo she's not going back to either. There's a whole lot'a shit she's not going back to. I get that. Gotta respect someone willing to fight for what's theirs.

"-And if that means I have to go along with whatever you've planned to help my son, then I'll do it. I'll do anything to keep him from that. Anything. Do you understand me?"

I seen a whole lot of broads get pissed off at me. Enough to know it when I see it, and Rita's about to blow.

"Nothing's gonna happen to him, or to you, but I'm not gonna make you a bunch of fucking promises neither."

She swallowing, like she might start bawling and now the kid's standing up at the bottom a the stairs, eyes cutting from his mother to me, and fuck me if he don't look pissed too. Like I hurt her or some shit.

"Breakfast first. Let's take it from there."

"Fine."

Fine again, fuck me. Diner's across the street from the motel so it's not far to go. Rita's down the stairs with her hand on the kid's shoulder. Half way across the street, she puts on a smile and slips her hand in mine. Said she could help, guess she meant it.

© 21May2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	15. Chapter 15

**Bliss:**

_the "fine" stuff!_  
*fine is such a recurring theme with me, I know. I love when women say Fine! Because everyone knows it's not fine, but there's a certain determination in that statement, like they'll damned well MAKE it fine!

_I like that you have her actually saying she's willing to act normal I guess! Well, sort of saying it. But that you also have her not ready to say it, if that makes sense! lol_  
*that makes sense to me and gets at the ambiguous nature that I tend to write into my characters

_I sure hope this guy comes through for Taylor so they can cross the boarder. Taylor's still thinking about the "what ifs" which is great!_

* I can completely see Taylor as someone that sees everything spin out before it happens

_I can't wait for chapter 15!!_

*wait no more!_

* * *

  
_

**Drive 15**

Don't matter where I am, every fucking diner looks exactly the same, more or less. This one's a little cleaner. That's about it for difference.

Couple'a truckers sitting along the counter. Four guys sitting in a booth at the back, making time with the waitress. Nice legs. She's flirting back but I'm thinking that's got more to do with getting a decent tip than anything else. She drops the smile the minute she walks away from the table. One other waitress behind the counter and a cook.

We got a quick once over when we came in. I'm used to watching for that shit. People are watching you and pretending not to. Then they disappear and you know the fucks are calling somebody. Obvious as fuck when you know what you're looking for. Nobody's paying attention to us cus we look normal. If I'd'a come in hanging onto Rita's arm, people sure as fuck'd be watching us but nobody gave us a second look.

The kid scoots into the booth, looking out the window like we didn't just come from out there and his mother moves in beside him. I sit across from them, facing the door so's I can see whoever's coming in.

"Mom, look, see, they've got stacks, right here."

The two of them are leaning in close over the menu. Never seen a kid excited about pancakes before but we been living off shit from gas stations since this started so maybe he's onto something there.

"Sure, Matty."

Rita's looking up at me quick. Fucks left her with nothing, I gotta remember, so she's gotta ask me. I'd'a paid anyway but I'm trying to think what it's gotta be like to have to ask. I'd fucking hate it so I'm nodding.

"Have anything you want, kid."

Can I tell you something? It felt fucking weird to say that. Good. I never been in that situation. Little fuck's grinning at me as he closes up the menu and hands it to the waitress who's writing it down. Rita don't ask in words, just a quick look. I don't say it out loud cus I think it'd embarrass her and there's no point in that. Just don't say nothing at all. Finally she orders and then I do.

"Thanks."

Says it quiet and then she's looking out the window. I don't know if I'm supposed to say something but it feels like I'm supposed to. No fucking idea what so I don't say nothing. Quiet don't last. The waitress brings a couple of cups of coffee and some milk for the kid. Rita fixes her coffee and takes a sip and just like that, that fucking lost look is gone again, like all she needed was the caffeine to pull her shit together. More involved, even I get that.

Never really had much time for small talk, passing the time and shit. Between me and Matty, most of our stories were the same stories so we didn't need to talk about small shit much. When we did, it wasn't small or the small shit just seems like more now that he's gone.

Guess she got tired of getting one word answers out of me and her and the kid are looking out the window, counting trucks, talking about cows and horses.

"Missed one," I point out to the kid. Two trucks went past the window so close to each other that it looked like one. Just like that I'm up against the window with the fucking kid, pointing out trucks. It's fucked up, right? Like what the fuck am I doing playing some road game with a kid. He gets bored with it pretty quick anyway and I sit back where I was, watching shit and getting a few more cups of coffee in me. Killing time, waiting for the phone to ring.

"Police, mom."

I spotted the trooper the second he pulled into the lot. Kid did too but he's not jumping around, pointing and shit. I've only ever seen kids on TV do that. No fucking way any of the kids we grew up with would'a done that, yell and shit. We would've got smacked for it. Kid says it low and quiet, like a warning.

Rita don't turn around but I catch her watching the cop car outta the corner of her eye and then she's passing a piece of toast off her plate to the kid.

"Quiet."

This isn't new for either one of them. Kid's munching on the toast, coloring on the back of a placemat with a cup of crayons the waitress left. Rita? She leans across the table and her hand covers mine, making me put down the coffee cup.

"I think we need to go back to that stand we passed a while back and pick up a flat of those berries."

For a second I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Small talk, passing the time of day. So I lean in and nod, like I'm really thinking about fucking berries or something and close in I get a good look at her. She's tired and been through hell but fuck me can she pull it together when she's got to. I met a lot of really stupid broads in my day, enough to know it when I see it, and she's not stupid. She said she could help, so I let her.

"Ice cream too."

Matty pulls his head up outta his coloring when I said that. Little fuck's beaming at me and I got the feeling I just made a promise somewhere in there.

I know I stand out like a fucking sore thumb and that trooper should have noticed. He didn't. I would have spotted it if he did. Nobody looked twice at us cus as fucked up as this started, we look like some family out for breakfast. We never did that when we was younger but I guess people gotta do it somewhere.

She don't pull back quick when the guy leaves either. That would have looked off too, so we're both playing along but I don't know what else to say. She smiles at me and takes a quick look at Matty. Kid's pushing the last bit of toast around on his plate making driving noises and fuck me if I didn't feel like laughing out loud watching the little fuck. All this shit going on and what's he doing, right?

"Maybe we should get out of here?"

I'm nodding at her and signaling the waitress for the check. That wary look is back on Rita's face but she's doing her best to hide it. Hard when you don't know what the fuck is going on. Don't even know where she's going. Can't plan for shit. Nothing I can do about it yet.

There's a store beside the diner, like something offa postcard, with a big porch and everything. I point and the kid's bouncing all over the place. Up the stairs and he's holding the door for us, doing everything but telling us both to hurry the fuck up.

"Grab what you want, just stay close."

I'm saying as I pick up another case of cold shit outta the cooler, piling some sandwiches and a couple bags of chips on top. She takes the offer and pays attention to the warning, staying in the same aisle with me. The kid pushes on my leg to get me to move out of the way, grinning up at me as he does it. Comes out of the cooler with ice cream and holds it up. He grabbed one for me.

"Grab that one too."

I don't eat that shit so he'll probably get them both. One look from Rita up at the counter and that confirms it. I'm a fucking sap, I know. Like I should be glad nobody can see me do shit like this but I don't really give a fuck. The kid's happy.

It's warming up when we get outside but Rita's got her arms across her chest like she's cold.

"What do we do now?"

"Go back and get some sleep. Gotta wait for a call."

She's nodding, reaching for the kid's hand. Everything's easier when you got a direction.

The motel room's not much different than the one we were at before. Same concrete walls. Same two beds. TV. Nightstand between the beds. Bathroom. Outta habit I check all the rooms for exits, anything that's gonna be a problem to me later on. It's a habit, nothing personal.

"Matty, go wash your hands."

The tension in the room spikes as she closes the door to the bathroom after the kid's in there. Not much room but she's standing about as far from the bed as she can. Last time, this shit didn't go so good. She's eyeing the bed.

I pick the bed by the door, grabbing a Coke and a bag of chips, turning on the TV, flicking through the channels.

"It don't have to be like last time."

Gotta hold back that little bit, like it could be that way if she fucks around and makes things difficult. The threat's always gotta be there somewhere.

"I need a shower."

Still wary so I'm not moving. With her, I got an idea how it'll go if I do. She'll either run or she'll fight and with Matty stuck in the john, she's gonna fight. So I'm not moving for shit, just switching through a few more channels until something halfway decent comes on.

"Kid's fine out here."

If I was closer I could tell if she was breathing or not but it sure as fuck don't look like it now. Just like that, she's nodding, turning back to the bathroom door and peeking in. Talking with the kid. Then he comes out and sits on the bed, swinging his legs back and forth, watching the TV.

"Fishing's dumb."

Kid's shaking his head. Not at me but at the fucking TV. Some stupid show where they filmed a bunch a guys fishing.

"You ever been, kid?"

Kid waits before he answers, looking like he's really thinking about it.

"No. But look at them."

He's pointing at the screen and I gotta agree with the little shit. It looks fucking dumb.

"I never been either."

Never been fishing. Never dressed up in stupid shit and shot at turkeys either, so what the fuck do I know about it. We end up watching it anyway, laughing until Rita gets out of the shower. She's looking at the two of us when she gets out like she's not quite sure what she's walked into. Don't say nothing.

Me 'n the kid are just nodding but we don't change the channel, just go on watching the two dumb fucks talking about bass. How the fuck they catch anything with a whole fucking crew, probably in the boat next to them, I don't fucking know. Probably put a fish on the line when nobody's looking. I don't tell the kid but I wonder if he'd guess anyway. Seems like he's not stupid. He'd figure it out.

"Don't…Please."

She says please but it's an afterthought. I got the ashtray next to me on the bed, about to light up, and she's looking at me like she's about to fucking yell at me but don't want to. Not good for kids. Fair enough. Get up and move just out the door but I don't close it.

The air's clean up here. Never really noticed that before.

"It smells like snow."

I move outta the way as she comes out and stands at the rail beside me, looking out across the parking lot. I don't think she sees the same shit I'm seeing. She turns back and looks at the deck of smokes, don't ask. I hand her one and light it for her. It does smell like snow, but far off. If it was the city it would be far off. I don't know fuck all about what it would be here, but it's got a cold smell to it. Just something in the wind.

"You think?"

We're just bullshitting but it makes me wonder. I never seen snow outside of the city. Van's probably got tires for it but I'm wondering if Malone's guy is gonna set us up with a car that's got the right tires or if I gotta get them fixed before we go on. Just like a woman to make more work with one fucking sentence, am I right?

She shrugs, still looking out over the lot. "It would help if I had an idea where you were taking us."

Her shoulders tense up when she asks but that's all she does, just tenses, like she's not sure what I'm gonna do. Fuck it, what can it hurt. She's not fucking stupid.

"Canada."

© copyright July 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	16. Chapter 16

**Insane:** Of course it would be Canada! It;s a good place to go to if you're on the run :) Kids are neat. They make do with what's there at the moment. If they have someone taking care of them, all is good :)

**Hidden:** I loved putting Taylor in a very dark place here, taking everything that kept him connected. The trick is in finding that some things are always going to be connected no matter what. There isn't much happiness in his life, but there;s still something there, something of the man he is beside all that other stuff. There's no way he can make up for the things he's done, nope. But there's always something, even when it doesn't seem like something. As for the kids, oh hell yeah. You should look up Vin on Facebook some day; he has a little girl now. Adorable!

* * *

**Drive [16]**

Didn't expect her to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

It takes her a minute to stop. Marbles used to get me like that. Back when he was a kid and shit he did was funny and not just a pain in my fucking ass. Little fuck used to get me all the damned time. Swear he timed it. Fucking milk or coke'd be flying outta my nose, the fuck. She's laughing like that. Coughing. I wait till she stops.

"He'll never look for me in Canada."

I don't gotta ask who. Tony D'Angelo'd never look for her there. I'm curious but not so curious I'd ask so I wait. I figure she'll tell me if she wants to and when she stops laughing, she does.

"Back before we first were together, his father took him on some sort of camping thing. Or a hunting thing. I don't know. Some sort of a guy thing, I guess."

Shakes her head. It don't matter what kind of trip it was. If she was a guy she'd'a known but it don't interest her. Don't much interest me either. The outdoor part, shooting at fucking birds and shit, sleeping on the ground. When I went, I went for Matty but there's no fucking way I would'a gone out there if Matty hadn't of wanted to go.

"Anyway, when he got back, all he would talk about was mosquitoes and how he was never going to set foot in Canada ever again."

At that she's fucking laughing again. It works out. One less fuck I gotta worry about. Providing it's true. If some fuck wanted me dead, don't think some fucking bugs are gonna keep him from punching my ticket. He could always send somebody else. That's more likely.

'_A moment of clarity.'_

I heard that once. Something drunks and bums are supposed to get when they hit rock bottom. Finally sort their shit out, like they see how shit's supposed to go and get right.

I'm no drunk or nothing but I know all about moments of clarity. Being able to see shit clearly when every fucking body is lying, trying to save their own ass or carve out a bigger piece is why I'm not floating in the East River.

D'Angelo wouldn't come into Canada just to whack me. I'd be collateral damage, a bonus, depending on who in Teddy's crew wanted me whacked, but the person he'd be coming for'd be her. And the kid, and he's not about to shoot the kid or he wouldn't'a bothered trying to get him back. When you think about it, if he really wanted the kid, he would've come for him himself.

Rabbit's lucky day when the wolf isn't that hungry to go chasing your ass all over.

"You really think he'd give up that easy?"

I hold the lighter for her as she takes another cigarette from me and a hard look comes across her face. Thinking about the odds.

"No, I don't. I've not exactly been all that lucky."

That's about me but she's waving it off before I can say anything. Not that I was gonna say anything. I know I'm the worst luck a fucker can get.

"But there's a chance, a small one, that he won't look, at least not right away. A lot can happen in that time. He gets some other girl pregnant and turns up with a son that way and his father stops pressing him to get Matty back. Or his father gets bumped off and Tony loses interest in hunting me down. It was never about me anyway. We just need a little bit of time. A bit of a break."

Everybody's got someone above them, some fuck breathing down their neck. For Teddy it was Chains. D'Angelo's got his old man. Lots of ways that shit can go. She's not looking at me. Hopeful but not stupidly hopeful, looking out across the parking lot. No fairy tales. No happy endings. The wolf gets fed or the rabbit goes free. Till the next time. Not a fuck of a lot I can say to that, having been both. For both our sake I hope she's right.

Haven't forgotten about Teddy's guys either. It's me they'll be coming for. Or not. How bad it is depends on who gets what when shit gets carved up. Like her I got a fuck of a lot of maybes and not much else.

I pull the phone outta my pocket before it rings twice, check the ID. Malone. Didn't even wait till I picked up, just left a message. Gotta meet up with a guy in about a half hour. I got no fucking idea how he set the meet up so fast but I got to go with it. Now who's being stupidly fucking hopeful.

"You and the kid gotta wait here."

I can see the push, the calculation in her face before I even finish. Drops the butt into a coffee can off the side.

"For how long?"

I fucking hate that I don't know who I'm gonna go see or what the deal is. Supposed to meet in a half hour so it's not much time to get there first and check shit out, find out what the fuck I'm walking into. I don't know how long it'll take once I get there. I hate it but I'm used to it, to not being told fuck all and just walking in cus I been told to go.

"Long as it takes."

"And if you don't come back?"

No whining about shit or getting pissed off. No asking if she can come, or what the fuck she's gonna do while I'm gone. She's not some fucking pampered mob princess used to ordering guys like me around and getting what she wants and we're a little past her just being a package I'm delivering. I pull a couple of hundreds outta my wallet and hand them over.

"If I'm not back in two hours, take the kid and get as far away from here as you can. Got anybody that'd take you in?"

One look tells me that there's nobody. If there was somebody around that she could rely on, she sure as fuck wouldn't be in the mess she's in right now. So there's nobody. The two bills disappear into her bra. I stop her before she thanks me.

"I'll be back in under two hours."

"Be careful."

I would've laughed except I think she meant it. I'm always careful but I don't tell her that. People don't believe nothing anyway. I leave her behind. I got nobody I gotta deliver her to and if shit goes bad she's got a chance to run.

The text message from Malone didn't pass on that much information. Time and a place. I get in the van and drive over to where I'm supposed to meet the guy. Just a strip mall. Hair place, a gas station, couple of businesses and a sandwich place. None of the cars stand out. Nothing smells New York. Lots of trucks and shit.

I go to the back, get out of the van and wait, watching the alley and the doors at the back of the strip mall with no fucking idea who this guy is or how it's going to go down. Got the nine but that's attention I don't need. If it looks bad, I leave, simple as that.

Nothing looks bad, nothing looks off, but fuck me if I don't keep looking. Like something's gotta be wrong.

Finally one of the doors at the back opens up and a guy steps out, closing the door behind him. I almost laugh. Don't know what the fuck I was expecting. Cops or some local fucking hard cases. Instead I got some fat, old guy in a shirt and tie looking around the back alley. For me.

Fuck me. Fucking accountant mafia, that's what this shit is, all these guys know each other. Makes sense. Malone knows made guys but it's cus he does their books. They're not friends, it's work. He's not gonna call those guys to do favors for him. He needs something done, he's gonna call somebody he knows, not some fuck he does the books for.

Where I'm standing, the fuck can't see me and I'm watching him as he walks up to the van, holding this envelope in his hand. He's sweating by the time he gets to the window, holding his hand up to look in. Stupid. Fucking stupid to just walk up like that but what the fuck does he know, right? If he was doing my taxes or some shit, then he'd know exactly what the fuck he was doing and I'd probably be looking as confused as he does now.

"You got something for me?"

The guy nearly jumps out of his fucking skin when I come around the back of the van, between him and the door he came out of. Behind his glasses, his eyes look huge as he looks me over, trying not to see me at the same time. It's like a bad fucking movie.

"Yes, Mister, um, yes. Here."

He holds out the envelope to me and steps back, looking like he wants to make a run for the door. Except I don't think this guy's made a run for anything in his whole life. Envelope's on the heavy side so it's not just papers in there.

"There's a black truck parked out in front; I'm supposed to switch keys with you. There are keys in the envelope."

I hand the keys to the van to him only after checking the envelope to make sure I got the keys. There's some other shit in there but I don't want to be standing out in the alley all fucking day looking suspicious.

"Truck's clean?"

Guy looks confused for a second and then the lights go on.

"Malone made it clear to me that it would be best if it were, so yes. My brother in law is going to deal with the van. I wish you luck."

Not hard to see he's uncomfortable. Got his hand out to me like he's not sure I won't break it off and hand it back to him. I got no idea how much Malone spilled. Enough to get a clean truck, get the van taken care of and enough to wish me luck, so I return the handshake. Guy's sweating and nervous but he does it anyway and then he gets in the van and drives off.

Pulling the keys outta the envelope I walk around the front, spotting the truck on the other side of the parking lot. Dirty, old, a little beat up. Shitty trade until I look around. Wouldn't even of spotted it cus it looked like all the rest.

Halfway back to the motel I pull off the road and go over the truck. I don't think Malone's gonna fuck me but I gotta check anyway, it's how shit's done. The truck's clean and the last thing to do is check out the rest of the envelope. Clean ID's for Rita and the kid. I expected that. What I didn't expect was for Malone to get clean ID for me. 'David Taylor'. Got a faxed note stuck inside, folded.

_'T._

_I had a visit from Nick Fratelli today. He wanted to talk business but he also asked about you. I told him that Chains had sent you around once, years ago to collect a debt, and that I haven't seen you since. Knowing where Fratelli fits, I figured you'd want to know. The ID's clean and should get you wherever you need to go. I think this makes us even._

_Good luck._

_M'_

Fratelli's Teddy's right hand. Didn't take long for the wolves to come out. I don't think any less of Malone for getting a visit from Fratelli. It's business. If Malone had denied ever meeting me, everybody would've known he was lying, so he's got to offer up something. I don't take it personal.

Gotta admit, the ID's another matter. I probably could'a got across the border clean on my own ID, I never done time, but this gives me less to worry about. I didn't ask him to do it but it makes everything easier. Not a whole lot of people want to make my life easier. Most of the guys I know'd never lift a finger to help me or anybody else unless there was something in it for them. So I'm taking the ID personal. The only way I can thank him for it is to never see him again. We're even.

Check the time. I been gone a little over an hour. There's no way for me to be sure that Rita hasn't left with the kid but where the fuck would she go? We passed a bus station when we came into town. She's got enough now to cover that, not much else. I don't think she's stupid enough to stick out a thumb, not with the kid. I definitely don't think she's dumb enough to talk.

It's still a surprise to see her at the motel. Nearly fucking brained me with an ashtray when I came in the door without knocking. I guess she didn't expect to see me again either. Which has got me wondering why she's here. Guess she's wondering the same thing, about why I came back. I don't want to get into the whys of it and she don't either.

I hand over the ID for her and the kid, watching as she reads it over carefully. Turns it over once and puts it in her pocket carefully.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute, okay?"

Her voice is shaking like she's gonna start crying but she doesn't. Just turns and walks into the bathroom, leaving me and the kid looking at each other. Kid's halfway between being mad at me and looking confused but before he's decided she comes back out, looking like nothing's happened.

The kid gets in first, squeezing in to the half back seat and I throw our shit back there with him. His mother takes the seat next to me after giving me a quick look. I drop off the keys at the front desk and we're gone, headed for the border. We only pulled off once when the kid fell asleep in the back. I covered up the little fuck with my jacket and we were gone again. We didn't talk much but her being quiet didn't bother me so much.

The border crossing was quiet when we got there, just one guy in a shack with a bar across the road. On either side there was nothing, just this shack in the middle of nowhere.

"What's the purpose of your visit?"

"Looking to do some shopping up in Moose Jaw."

Moose Jaw. Buffalo Gap. Big fucking Beaver of all places. If the names weren't right there on the map, I'd'a said whoever named the places was fucking with me. The guard doesn't bat an eye.

"How long do you intend on staying?"

"Probably overnight and come back tomorrow."

Another nod and he hands me back my ID, reaches in for Rita's. All it would take is one fucking wrong word from her but she's leaning across the seat, her hand on my shoulder as she passes him her new ID.

"Have a nice day, Mr. Taylor, ma'am. Welcome to Canada."

© copyright 30 July 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks so much to those that have shared their reviews with me during this story, and to those that have added this story as a favorite; it's appreciated!

**HR:** Yes, he's like a lot of tough guys. A lot of it's surface but there's often something underneath.

**BD:** Sometimes it's easy to make things difficult, when they're really not as difficult as you think :D

_To anyone leaving reviews on this chapter, I will answer all reviews via the PM function, as this is the last chapter!_

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**Drive 17**

The view isn't much different on this side of the border but it feels different. Everything looks bigger. Feels emptier. I know a line on a map don't make anybody any safer if someone wants to put a bullet in my head but it's different, just crossing that line. Got a whole other country behind me now. I'm not about to get sloppy or nothing, thinking they won't come gunning, but it feels like we just put a fuck of a lot of space between us.

Never been to Canada before. Never really been anywhere before. Even when I went places with Matty, we never went far. Farthest we ever got was Montana and that wasn't no fucking camping trip. Mostly we stayed in New York so this's as far as I ever been.

There's a part of me that wants to turn around and go right the fuck back. How fucked up is that? Like what, I get way the fuck out here in the middle of nowhere with no guys and I can't fucking handle it? I can't go back and not only cus I'd end up dead. Did that once and it was a fucking mistake. I never should've went back when Matty died. What I should've done is what I'm doing now. Get in a car and drive as far as I fucking can and not look back. Easy enough to say when it's not you. I've never been anything else and I'm out here in the middle of fucking nowhere wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

"Can you pull over?"

We been driving West about an hour or so. Quiet. The last place we passed was over a half hour back, just a gas station. We didn't stop. I got the map out in front of me. There's nothing for at least five miles.

"Shoulda said something when we passed that gas station."

"No, just…oh god, just stop."

"Stay here, kid."

Barely got the truck stopped and she's out, running around the back. Other than fucking wheat or some shit as far as the eye can see, there's nothing else here so she's standing at the back of the truck, one hand leaning on the bumper, puking her guts out.

"Oh god…"

The air's clean here, just the smell of whatever the fuck they're growing out there in the field. It's as good a place as any to stop for a smoke so I stand away from her a bit, lean against the truck, and light up. She wipes her mouth and straightens up, leans against the side of the truck. Crying but not making a big deal about it, which is good cus I don't know what the fuck I'd do about it if she was. All I got is threats and that isn't going to do it. It takes her a couple of minutes for the hitching to stop but she does it, wiping her face on her shirt sleeve.

If I was a better man I'd probably hold her or some shit. Say something. But there's nothing I could say that's gonna make this fucked up mess any better so she gets it out. I take another drag on the cigarette and pass it over to her. She's shaky but takes it anyway. A couple more minutes go by and I light another one.

"Until we crossed that border I was pretty sure you'd just hand us over to somebody. I just…"

She waves her hand as she chokes up and I look back out over the field of grass when she starts crying again. It don't seem right to watch her cry, you know? Like I'm seeing shit I got no right to watch. It don't last long. Whatever else she's been, she's no crier.

"I just couldn't be sure. You could have just as easily have handed us over."

Probably could have. It might have made everything easier for me but I kind of doubt it. The whole thing was leading up to me being whacked so it wouldn't'a mattered what the fuck I did with her, I was dead either way. Guess it makes a difference to her. The kid too for that matter.

"Didn't though."

"No. You didn't."

"You okay?"

She pushes off the side of the truck. For a second I didn't know what she was going to do, if she was going to cry again or come at me or what the fuck she intended. She doesn't do anything like that, just stretches and wipes her eyes again, pulling her shit together.

"Yes, I'm okay. Just wiped out."

That I get. I'm fucking exhausted but even crossing the border, I still want to put a hell of a lot more space between me and New York.

When she's ready, we go back and we're driving again. North. Northwest. I don't even need to look at the map no more, just stay on the one highway and go where it goes. Shut everything else off. There's nothing. No radio, no conversation. The kid in the back stopped pointing shit out a long while back cus there's fucking nothing to point out. Just fields and open road. He's just looking out the window. Nothing outta Rita for a while and when I look over, she's asleep.

Moose Jaw. Swift Current. Little places that didn't even have a name, just wide spots in the road. We need gas and food, other shit, get out of the truck and walk for a bit so I pull off at the next place we come to.

"Mom's asleep."

"Let her sleep, kid. She needs it."

Kid hops out of the back of the truck and we cross the dirt parking lot just as it starts to rain, making for the coffee place beside the gas station. It's empty except for a couple of guys up at the counter and they're not paying attention to nothing but the TV. The kid makes a beeline for the john. I let him. If he was gonna run, he'd'a run before now but it's still the first thought in my head. That's never gonna change.

Up at the counter I get a couple cups of coffee, heavy on the sugar. Juice for the kid. Some sandwiches and shit. The chick behind the counter's friendly, smiling at me as she puts all the shit in a bag and then at the kid when he comes out to stand beside me.

Can I tell you something? She had no way to know the little fuck wasn't mine. Didn't look at me like I had no business standing next to a little kid. She looked at me first before asking if the kid wanted a donut and I just nodded cus I had no fucking idea what to say if she asked me. I never thought about that shit before. Not that I'm about to start now, I know there's some shit that's not for me. Some kid don't need me fucking up their life. But she don't know that.

"You gotta help me out with all this sh..stuff."

I got the coffees in a paper tray and I let him carry the bag full of shit and we head back out into the parking lot. Rita's already outta the truck by the time we get half way. Panic's something I recognize but she stows it, fast, smiling at the kid and taking his free hand. We get inside just as the whole fucking sky opens up. Talk about your timing.

I hand her over a cup of coffee and she thanks me quickly. It's too hot to drink so she's just holding it, looking out the window. In the back, the kid's going through the bag, grabbing a sandwich. He went for a donut first but his mother looked up and caught him. I couldn't get away with shit around my mother. I don't know how they always know. Kid puts it back and goes for something better for him.

"Why don't you let me drive for a bit."

There's fuck all for miles. No real destination in mind. Just want to keep driving and get as much distance as I can even if I don't know where the fuck I'm going. I drove longer than this before so I know I can pull it off but fuck me I'm tired. Getting old.

"You wake me up in two hours."

I feel like I could sleep for a whole fucking day but I never sleep that good any more. Never really did. Doubt I'd sleep the whole two hours anyway. It's wet, cold and getting dark. I don't know if they ever been to Canada but there's nothing out here, just miles and miles of fields and shit so if there's any safe place to do it, it's here.

I get outta the truck and go around to the passenger side, handing her the keys. It's a hard thing to trust, even a bit. Someone's always out to fuck you one way or another. It's even harder to look over your shoulder all the fucking time, to never trust nobody. To never take a risk for nobody. I did that first with Matty, when I took a bullet for him. Fights and shit before that don't count for nothing, I would'a done that anyway, but that bullet was the first time I let go and put my shit on the line for somebody else.

Now I'm doing it again, taking risks and putting my trust in a broad I was supposed to just be taking across the country. It'd be fucking funny if it was somebody else telling me this shit. It is what it is. Beside me, Rita takes a long pull off her coffee and rubs her hands over her eyes, adjusts the seat.

"Do you have somewhere in mind?"

I look down at the map on the console between us, the number one running right across it. The names on the map don't mean fuck all to me. You said Detroit or Chicago to me, I'd have an idea what I was driving into even if I never been there. Here, I got nothing, it's all new. Biggest place on the highway is a place called Calgary and I'll be awake long before that.

"Stay on this route. Just drive."

I don't go out all at once. The seat don't go back so I gotta stay sitting up but I still manage to doze off. I'm not used to being a passenger. Every time I open my eyes we're somewhere else and I gotta look around and try to get my bearings. Then a road sign flies by and I know we're still on the same route, heading west. I got no idea where or how far. Everything here is foreign to me. The names, the places. There's nothing for me to recognize so I doze off again.

Next time I start awake, she tells me we just crossed the line into Alberta. I gotta pull out and unfold the map to get an idea what that means. Just over four hours but it don't seem like much of a reason to get pissed off. Not like I really slept deep anyway. The kid's curled up in a ball in the back, out like a light.

I rubbed my eyes and try to stretch and she passes me the bottom of a cold cup of coffee she had beside her on the console. It tastes like shit which is about what I expected. No room to stretch out, either to wake up or go to sleep so I'm somewhere in the middle.

Pull myself together as best I can but I know we got to stop soon. Take a piss, get more coffee, stretch my legs. Guess we ought to switch off and I should let her sleep for a bit.

"Where the fuck are we?"

"About here, I think."

She looks at the map and points. A whole lot of nothing. Other than Montana, I never seen so much empty space in my life before. Just nothing.

"We got to stop for shit. Gas. Coffee."

"We haven't passed anything open for hours. There were some houses back there, and a mall, but everything was dark."

I told her to let me sleep two hours so she shot me a quick look when she told me how long it'd been. I let it go, I was half in and out of sleep anyway.

"Keep an eye out."

"Want to switch back?"

Just shake my head at her. We can switch when we stop wherever we stop. I take another quick look at the map, unfolding and refolding it to try to get a better idea for where we are but I got nothing to go by. If I unfold it all the way, I can see the coast. British Columbia. Washington. Vegas is a long fucking way off and New York is even further. Nothing but space and empty.

"There's something up there."

She's pointing over the wheel at something far down the road. Hard to see just how far. Just a light up ahead, off the side of the road. I gotta rub my eyes to look at the time. Fucking five in the morning. She gets agitated when I tell her to come in with me, cutting eyes at the kid asleep in the back.

"Look, it's too early for this shit. There's nobody out here. Nobody for miles. Let the kid sleep, nobody's gonna do a thing to him out here. Just come in with me and get a decent cup of coffee, for fuck's sake."

Too early for this shit. That's true. I'll tell you something else though. No matter what the fuck happened before, we gone through too much shit together in the past few days to be worrying about it. If that makes me a sap, so what. I fucking dare you to tell me to my face. Right now it's just early and we been driving all fucking night.

Had to knock on the glass, we was that early. Some kid in a paper hat let us in, just like that. There's no way a guy'd'a done that where I was from. He tells us it'll be another couple of minutes for the coffee and leaves us out front. Rita hits the john and then walks up to the glass and watches the road out front. Keeping an eye on the truck.

"Nothing's gonna happen to him."

Takes her a second, like she didn't hear me, and then she turns around and smiles at me quick. Wiped it off her face quick too. Don't smile easy either.

"Thanks. Thanks for that."

The kid comes back with the coffees before I could say anything and I get him to throw a couple donuts in a bag for us. It's not every day somebody's thanking me so I gotta admit, I don't know what to say about it.

She passes me the keys and we're driving again. Didn't want to sit around in the coffee place, no telling who's going to show up at that time of the morning, so I'm looking for a place to pull off the road for a bit.

The road crosses a river up ahead and I pull off and drive underneath, right up close to the water. There's some picnic tables and shit farther down but I don't wanna go that far so we just sit on some rocks down by the water and drink our coffee.

It's quiet. That weird fucking quiet that you only get first thing in the morning. The sun just started to come up and I turned to watch it. That's how this shit started and I came right back to it the first chance I got, somewhere else. This place don't look nothing like Brooklyn though, even the water looks different. Clean. Still strikes me as funny that no matter where I go, I end up liking the same shit.

Rita's watching it too, just holding onto her coffee and watching the sun come up. I'm thinking it's one of the only times she's ever turned her back to me. Always before, she watched me like a fucking hawk. Got every reason to, don't think she's forgot that. It's a break when we needed it and we take it.

I turn around at the sound of the door of the truck opening and watch the kid get out and stretch. I pass him the bag with the donuts in it when he comes to sit between me and his mother. He's quiet too, just watching the mist over the water. It's kinda cold out. Rita didn't say nothing but the kid looks cold so I take my jacket off and put it around his shoulders. Little fuck turns around and grins at me and stuffs the rest of a donut in his mouth. Rita shoots a look at me, holds it and then is looking back over the water. Another thanks. They're stacking up.

We get up and stretch again when the sun burns off the rest of the mist on the water. The kid's standing there in my jacket. It's huge on him, coming down to his knees, and it fucking hits me low in the gut like I just got kicked, just how fucking wrong all of this is.

This kid isn't supposed to like me. Rita I can live with but there's something fucking wrong with a little kid like Matty looking up to a guy like me. That just isn't right, I know that. It's more than just the kid. It's Matty, that fucking name.

Matty never should've looked up to me either. I put my life on the line for Matty, I took a fucking bullet for him. In the end, he took one for me, cus he never would've got back in with his pops if it wasn't for wanting to keep me out of an unmarked grave. There were other reasons too but I think I was one of them. And how did I thank him? I went back. One way or another I always fucking go back. He tried to go straight. Fuck, even I tried to go straight, but in the end it was just easier to take jobs when they came and I stayed. I stayed cus I always stay and then I fuck shit up.

I take my jacket off the kid and watch as he runs over to the truck, climbing into the back. Rita gets into the passenger seat and we're driving west. I got the map unfolded beside me, not looking for places to go but for a big enough place to stop.

"Where are we going?"

Kid's up on his knees, leaning over my shoulder as I drive.

"Buckle up, kid. We got a while to go yet."

Rita looks over at me and I point to a spot on the map. Calgary. I figure that's a big enough place for what I need. She counts off the distance on the map, using her fingers and, without looking up, asks me if I want her to drive some of it. I tell her I'm good.

The kid fell asleep in the back pretty quick. His mother's awake, but quiet. Looking out the window like the kid did before. It was raining and got dark when we were driving yesterday. I was asleep or close to it for a lot of it so I'm looking around too. Don't usually care much about that shit. Scenery.

Everything's that same wheat color for about an hour and then we passed a field of yellow and another of some light purple shit. More green. When we stopped for gas again the fields are full of some sort of grass and I can see the mountains easy, off in the distance. For four hours or so I just drove. Rita'd point something out, or the kid would, but we never slowed down, never stopped. Never slowed down until we hit the edge of the city. Even then, I know I'm just stalling.

I take a last look at the map and then turn off the main road. It's not far but Rita's sitting up, alert, watching me carefully as we pass warehouses and shit. Just like I don't ever trust, she don't trust either. I could tell her but that's not going to make her trust any better and it won't make nothing easier.

The bus station is up on the left but old habits die hard and I circle the block once, getting an eye on what's around before I pull off to the side of the road.

"What's going on?"

Her voice is hard and she don't take her eyes off me even as she reaches back and pokes the kid, telling him without a word to get up.

"This is it, the end of the line."

"What does that mean?"

At the look of fear that crosses her face I know I should'a worded that better but it's not gonna matter for long.

"It means this is where I get off. Listen, lady. You and the kid got a chance to get the fuck out of here, make it clean. Like you said, maybe he won't come looking for you. You saw what went down in Wibeaux. You been around long enough to know what that means. That shit you don't just walk away from and if I'm with you, that makes you a target. I'm nothing but trouble."

Maybe D'Angelo won't come to Canada to look for her and the kid. Maybe she gets lucky. In any case, she can hide better than I can. Decent looking woman and a clean cut kid can move into a nice neighborhood, fit in somewhere and have a real chance.

Me? I left made guys dead in a ditch in Wibeaux. Malone's already said that the feelers are out for me. If I get lucky, all those fucks'll kill each other off before they get anywhere near me but I don't believe in fairy tales. If I stay anywhere near her and the kid, there's always the chance I get made and we'd all have to make a run for it in the middle of the night. That's no way to live. Not for them and I'm starting to think it's not for me either. Every dog has his day and I'm not a dog anymore, just another rabbit. Always been a rabbit.

I've had nothing but time to think about this shit, about everything that went wrong, and it all comes down to one person. Me. If I'd'a pushed harder when we was kids, I could have got Matty out. Fuck, when Matty was taking me to get patched up after that shit in Montana, I could've told him to drive the other way instead've going back to New York. Lot's of shit I could've done differently. I just did what I always did.

"You're just going to leave us out here."

I started to get offended until I realized that she's got no way to know it'd be any different. The kid's up and takes one look at the two of us and knows something's wrong.

"Do we have to run again, Mom?"

"It's not like that."

I hand her the keys to the truck before I open the door, stepping out onto the side of the road, feeling lighter than I have in days.

The passenger door slams and she's coming around the side of the truck. Wary now and confused, like she don't know if she should run or stay. Before she can start, I pull out the roll I been carrying. I never got less than a couple grand on me. I can get more if I need it, I never had no problem making money. Always somebody needs something done. I peel off a couple of bills and put them in my pocket, handing the rest to her.

"You got clean ID's, the truck's clean. Get back on the number one and keep going west as far as you can go."

I turned to walk away but she came after me, grabbing my arm and making me stop. The kid's outta the truck too, coming up behind his mother. This is what I wanted to avoid. A scene. When I turn to face her, she puts her hands up, and then tucks the roll I gave her into her pocket.

"Where are you going to go?"

"You're better off not knowing."

I don't want nobody getting it out of her if it comes to that. I don't want to know where she's going for the same reason. That, and I know I'd start to wonder how they made out. If I knew where they ended up, I might be tempted to go look for them.

"I don't know how to thank you but you saved our lives. You saved my son's life."

She stops and starts a couple times but finally gets it out, choking up at the last when she mentions the kid. You want to know something? It choked me up too, not that I'd ever say it. I got to like that little fuck over the past few days. Before I can say anything, she comes right up to me and kisses my cheek.

"Are you going to keep the same name?"

"Long as it serves."

'_David Taylor'_. My new identity, thanks to Malone. I been Taylor Reese so long I don't know if I can be somebody else. I know right off I should'a said no, that I wasn't keeping the name. The less she knows the better, right? Except I still want to know how shit comes out for them. I got her name too, if I need it.

The kid pushes his mother outta the way and walks up to me. Fuck me, I thought I could get out and just walk off but I can't. Matty's looking up at me and then he's got his hand out. My mother didn't raise me to have no manners so I shake the kid's hand, pulling him close.

"Take care of your mother."

Not much else to say. Rita steers the kid back to the truck and tries to thank me again but I waved her off, standing at the side of the road till they drive off. Just like what she thought earlier, I didn't think I'd really do it till I'd done it.

After I watched them go, I walked back around to the Greyhound station and caught a bus heading north. Something I saw in one of the gas stations we stopped at, some sort of camp work somewhere up north. It's fucking funny, right? A guy like me up north like some sort of lumberjack or some shit? One thing can be said for it. Nobody I ever knew is gonna look for me there, so maybe I get a break too. Anyway, I got the number for a guy up north and a direction. I always been good with my hands.

—  
The first year, I never thought I'd make it up here.

It wasn't until some little scrawny fuck started bitching about how brutal it was that I got perspective. I'm thinking it's a word he threw around easy but I know what brutal really is and this isn't it. It's hard, but it's not brutal. Honest work. Clean.

It doesn't pay me as much as I got working for Chains but I sleep better. Been in a few fights but they been fair and when I fought, it wasn't cus anybody told me I had to and I never had to beat a guy to death for something I didn't give a shit about.

Every few months we get off whatever job we're working on and go into town. The younger guys blow all their money in whatever place we stop but I got a small cabin by a lake up here that I'm paying off so I save what I got. Place is fucking tiny but I never needed much space and it's just me. So after a few beers with the guys I work with, I hit the local store. Pick up a few things and check my mail. The store holds it for me and usually there's nothing but I got a postcard today.

No letter or nothing, just the postcard. Some tourist thing with whales or something on the front.

'_We're doing okay, hope you are too. R+M'._

I don't get tv up here and I get enough nature that I don't have to watch nature programs. I can watch wolves chase shit right from my front porch if I want to. It still makes me think of Matty and I still like watching shit with the drive to get free.

END  
© Copyright 20 August 2009 xxxevilgrinxxx


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